Racism and Where I Have Come From

I posted a mini rant from a friend on Facebook today which garnered a lot of attention, which I was not expecting. It wasn’t long before I was smack dab I the middle of a white vs. black perspective debate on racism. From where I was sitting, I could see and understand both viewpoints. Though, at one point I became more interested in the disagreement than the perspectives. At one point this idea was shared:

“Racism = A systematized attempt to subjugate a people group that does not hold privilege.

Prejudice = A judgment of another people group, privileged or not.

Discrimination = Acting on prejudice.

If you are a WHITE male, you are privileged. That does not mean you are rich, it means that you hold certain privileges that black males don’t.”

This might be hard to swallow, but as a black man I find this to be very true. An example of this can be seen with this social experiment.

It sucks to see this in action, but for many black young men, this is the type of double standard that we face day in and day out. I for one have been on the receiving end of some pretty messed up things on account of my skin color.

I want to be very careful not to marginalize or even over emphasize the way in which these things happen, but I cannot speak for every single black male on the face of the planet. What I can say is that in my experience of 28 years, I have seen some things that absolutely blow my mind.

With the recent happenings in Ferguson, I find the media propaganda and certain remarks made by people as an exasperation of an already touchy subject. What’s more is that I find many white men and women ready to zero in and crucify the deceased to put the blame on him for LOOKING like a thug and for being the cause of why the officer felt threatened. People, I am 5’4 115lbs and could cause a cop to feel threatened just because I am black, and believe me it has happened before.

What is it about a black person that causes this suspicion, or the need to walk on eggshells? What causes people to feel like they have to become politically correct? I honestly do not understand? Are the roots of generational discrimination, prejudice, and racism still prevalent in the way that we see people? Are we still stuck in the era of slavery in which black people are less than a full person? Why is it that a black male cannot get the same treatment as a white male? Meaning in our high profile cases why is it that we have more white males making it into police cars to be apprehended than black males? Can someone answer me with this Ferguson case, why people were so quick to mistake Mike Brown and Joda Cain as if to pardon Officer Wilson and absolve him of the incident that occurred? Yet, if the situation had been reversed things would have had a drastically different outcome. I find these things to be quite troubling.

I’ll go so far as to say this though it might seem petty. Why is it that I had to work at 200% capacity as a high school baseball player, to get the same consideration as another athlete of equal skill who was only working at 70% capacity? He plays and starts the whole season, and I sit the bench. The only difference between the two of us, I was black he was white. Note we played international baseball together on the same team, both of us as starters. I had a better work ethic which was known by both the coaching staff and other players.

Before people start cheering or throwing stones at me let me talk about black people real quick as a black person. If the only think that can cause us to come together is unfair treatment and a murder, then we are doing it wrong.

I probably will not be liked for what I am about to say, but that’s nothing new for me. I was born African American, I definitely look the part, but for most of my 28 years of living, I have been referred to as an ‘Oreo’. This is something that I have become rather numb to as I spent so many years in agonizing pain dealing with a crisis of identity because of black people. Now before I continue, I am not saying this about all black people. I haven’t met all black people, however, the ones that I do know, many have at some point made this derogatory remark or something like it towards me.

I lived on the ‘wrong’ side of town, had the ‘wrong’ friends, didn’t talk ‘black’ enough, didn’t dress ‘black’ enough, and made to feel less than most of my peers. I was made fun of and demeaned almost every day. All of this coming not from white people, but from black people. It amazes me as I look back just how much I felt I did not belong to the culture that my phenotype displayed on a daily basis.

I don’t even want to get into the whole music industry and what is being communicated through the airwaves of our secular media, heck; even our TV programming leaves a lot to be desired. But, that is a topic that I will pick up at another time.

I am grateful for church mothers (Nana Walker, Willie Nunley, Mozelle Henderson, Mary Calip, and Mom Gooch) who honestly large reasons I was able to keep my head up while walking through much of the crap I went through at a young age. Mothers, who believed in my potential, and reminded me to keep going, I am also reminded of some of the church fathers that were around (Grover Walker, Bennie Calip, Marcus Johnson, and Willie Nunley) who took the time to establish that there was nothing that I couldn’t accomplish if I put my mind to it. These were men, who taught me not to settle for mediocre, and to go excel in every way. They taught me how to wear a suit, to tie a tie, to enunciate, and communicate with respect.

Most of that was undone by my peers, those I spent ample time with. No matter what great things I was taught, there was this looming reality that was more tangible than the dreams and hopes that an older generation could see in me.

This is where I first realized the deep well of frustration and resentment I carried towards the black community. I felt such a disconnection with being someone who was acceptable to the world around me. See more often than not even though I was black, I wasn’t good enough or black enough. I was talked to differently, belittled, at times to the point where my family as a whole was talked about. I heard things in secret that I was never meant to hear. I grew up eating collard greens, cornbread, ox-tails, chitterlings, black-eyed peas, sweet potato pie…just like my peers…but I was never good enough to be equal in their eyes. For a kid going through elementary school, junior high, and high school, it was rough feeling like I had no cultural identity to be proud of.

So from both sides I was the oreo, the white washed black guy, the guy who didn’t sound black, who didn’t act black, who wasn’t really black because of my eye color. After a while I became numb to it all. However, all that has changed recently. I am haunted by the poor choices of vocabulary that my peers use in reference to me. More so than being haunted…I find myself ANGRY!

I find myself in an interesting position. On the one hand I totally understand what it is like to be discriminated against by white people because of my skin tone. I know what it’s like to be watched like a hawk when going in to a store and having people follow you to make sure you don’t steal anything. I know what it’s like to be talked down to and mistreated because of my skin color. On the other hand, I know what it’s like to be treated as a privileged person. How nothing you can do is right, nothing you can say measures up. Your actions are typically always wrong, and the crap that you get for it. I know what it’s like to get an 80,000 dollar education while having to hear people talk about how you think you are better than them because of x, y, or z. I know what it’s like to have the privilege of being a musician that gets to play in Central Park and Carnegie Hall. I can see how where I was raised and the opportunities I was afforded allowed me to enjoy many privileges that others might not get.


I find that I am afforded an interesting position, a vantage point which allows to see things from two different perspectives. Let me say this blatantly, Racism sucks. Discrimination hurts. Prejudice is not okay. The conversation needs to be brought up. It needs to be addressed. As a friend of mine said it’s about time that we have a Human Rights Movement. People ALL PEOPLE, need to be treated with the same type of care and dignity. Not judged by the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their height, weight, figure, sex...as Martin Luther King Jr. stated, "...but by the content of their character..."