Righteous Judges Or.....????

I am kind of curious as to why homosexuality gets more air time in our country than say, the 7 deadly sins? Is it just me or is there some kind of discrepancy in the way that we go about understanding important issues as a “church culture”? Does homosexuality have more deaths associated with it than any of the 7 deadly sins? Does it cause more of a break in relationships than any of the 7 deadly sins? I am not saying this to condemn anyone, I am just curious. Why is it that the church takes a zero tolerance stand on one sin rather than others which are more prevalent? Those in the LGBT community are in a lot of ways barred from taking ministry positions, but I have seldom seen anyone who chronically operates in the “7 deadly sins” told that they cannot pastor a church or lead worship. So far I have counted 11 verses in the bible the deal with homosexuality as a sin, 90+ dealing with pride, 35+ on greed, 80+ on gluttony, 80+ dealing with lust, 40+ dealing with wrath (hate), 60+ concerning envy, and 70+ concerning laziness. There were however about 100+ dealing with sexual immorality as a whole.

Though greed has the lowest numbers of the 7 it is still mentioned 4 times as much as homosexuality as something God dislikes. That should really make someone think about what is important. But really, who wants to have to confront someone about an issue that on some level we all deal with? Wouldn’t that be hypocritical? Who wants to have that tough conversation and really have a heart to heart about 7 vices that are really common to your average Christian? It is much easier to point the finger at someone who is obviously “in sin” than to turn that finger on someone who walks in pride, or is hateful, or lazy, or greedy, or gluttonous, or lustful, or even envious. Heck, we can rationalize the hell out of the “7 deadly sins” but with homosexuality you really can’t.

All sin is detrimental to the person who walks in it. There are obvious consequences for making poor choices. However, it would seem that our current culture seems to want to empower the “7 deadly sins” by trying to crucify those who are a part of the LGBT community. (Not saying that this how it always is, but it is self-righteousness as its best or worst depending on how you look at it.) What is displayed is a type of deflection that happens when we know we are wrong but we want to draw the attention away from ourselves and put it on someone else. This is where I would begin to apply the parable of the speck and the plank that Jesus talked about. Depending on where you go, the culture of the church practices trying pull the speck out of someone else’s eye without first notices they have a large 2x4 in their own eye. Sadly to say, it is a culture of accusation rather than restoration and reconciliation, of which I have been a part for quite some time.

I am learning currently that as I begin to deal with myself, there is really no place to deal with others. Meaning as I am learning where I fall short, it gives me no space to judge another on where they fall short. Those who have been forgiven much love much. There is such a level of compassion that becomes available as we understand just how much we have been forgiven. In my conversations with God I have been told on many occasions that it is not my place to try to change a person’s lifestyle. It is not up to me to try to convict them of whatever they are doing. Simply put, I am not better than Holy Spirit in the convicting business and I need to stop trying to do his job. The task given has always been to love people right where they are, and expose them to the presence of God. NOTHING ELSE! However, having been brought up in a form of zealous Christianity, I was taught to beat people up with scripture, tell them all the things that God hates about what they are doing, talk about how they would not inherit eternal life, and the like. I forgot the simplicity of the kindness of God leading people to repentance. I forgot that love looks like interacting with people based upon what they are worth not what they deserve. The perspective and dynamic changes when you begin to see a person’s worth from God’s eyes, versus what they deserve because of their behavior. Said another way, when you realize that you don’t deserve anything that you have and that it is all a gift, it becomes a bit easier to interact with those who by Christian standards don’t deserve anything at all.

As I write this, I can feel many scathing rebukes. People want to hold on to their opinions and perspectives more than they want to listen and understand. Their version of righteousness requires certain moral behavior that at its root stems from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Whereas the gift Jesus gave was His righteousness that stems from the tree of life. I can understand how this might seem like I am condoning sin, but really I am hoping to bring into the light that, if we are going to focus on calling sin out in people’s lives, it is best to use the same measure on ourselves before going after the “sinners”. But then again, even that very act is rooted in us acting as judge, which is what transpired when we partook of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I know this might sound a bit extreme, but if homosexuality is going to garner such attention then we might as well start doing the same thing to ALL those who fall short in these other areas (the 7 deadly sins). Yet, the reality is if we were to do this, there would be many a church that would need to close its doors.

A bigger issue begins to arise when we choose to make judgments that we are not qualified to make against people we are called to love. Many, including myself, have made it a habit to judge people based upon personal standards we carry and interpretations we have on various scriptures from the bible. Growing up, my parents used to tell me and my older brother drinking alcohol was a sin that would lead us to hell. At 28, I think that is absolute rubbish and nowhere in scripture will that story be corroborated. However, it is still a conviction of my parents that drinking is a bad idea. Thankfully, my parents have grown up enough to realize that it is not a sin, nor will it condemn a person to hell. They have had to let go of a place of judgment that they held onto because of past experiences. Judging people based upon a faulty understanding of morality, ethics, and righteousness does not help people grow together. Ultimately these types of judgments end up pushing our fellow man away from us under the guise of being moral and right. This was never the intention of God for humanity.

I remember reading a scripture that says, “…love covers a multitude of sin.” I know this might be out there for a lot of people who have been sin hunters for most of their days, but what would happen if we stopped bashing people for their sin and actually do what this verse says? I mean Jesus did take care of our sin problem by taking them to the cross. Jesus has never once called us by our sin, so why is it that we continue to stand as accusers calling those who fall short by their sin? Does that make since?

I am well aware than many will have missed the whole point of this blog because they will have read some parts that conflict with their theology. Honestly, that is okay. It isn’t something I am worried about. But, my heart is this, how long will we continue to live off of the fruit that condemned us to death and when will be start eating from the tree that was meant to sustain and bring us life? When will we take Jesus seriously and love one another based upon our worth rather than what we deserve. We cannot afford to sit in a seat of judgment, because we become unjust judges. We are not qualified for that position. However, we have been qualified to love. I think it is time to take our rightful spot.

Again, I would like to stress that I am not condoning sin in the least. Nor do I think homosexuality is a lifestyle that should be led. However, I also think lust, envy, greed, pride, and the like are equally as bad. They all belong together in the same category known as sin. All sin has the same remedy and solution. It is Christ crucified. Justice and Judgment for ALL SIN!

Growing in Abundance

First let me make this really clear, this blog has always been about the crazy changes that happen in my life and the experiences that I walk through. I have tried to keep this thing user friendly without the overtly “Christian” language, all the while staying true to my personal convictions. This entry is probably going to walk that fine line. I am going to state the obvious; I love Jesus, and think he absolutely rocks. Yet, through various entries you might have noticed raw emotions down to the occasional F-Bomb. I make no apologies for those things as they have been a large part of my journey, however, this particular entry will probably go in the opposite direction. So viewer discretion is advised if you are in anyway put off by the overt mention of Jesus, God, or Holy Spirit.

The journey of growth will take people in so many different directions; it is at times hard to fathom the place they started from. My adventure is really no different. I have progressed from being a religious robot, to religious zealot, to anti-religious freedom fighter, to a religion apathetic, to a simple lover of Jesus and people. From where I started to where I am now trips me out. This is 10 years of transformation that I am talking about.

I have learned a great many lessons over the past 10 years but a few stand out more than others. I have learned that everyone has a journey to take. Encourage them to walk with God, and bless their journey even though it might be different than yours. Even though you may disagree with their path, love them because they are worth it not because you agree with them or because they deserve it. The second but equally important lesson has been that communion with God is not just a religious habit; it isn’t just something that you do because you are supposed to. It really is like having a best friend that you do EVERYTHING with. Best friends hang out at times without saying a word to each other. Sometimes laughing and giggling at nothing. They do pointless things together because the time spent together was more important than the activity. There really is no replacing this aspect of relationship with God. It isn’t about reading a bible, going to a church, or doing these seemingly spiritual things. Nothing can replace time spent with the person.

Two of the greatest sermons I have watched in a great while were delivered by a guy by the name of ShaneWillard (please note Shane has a hyperlink attached to it, and Willard has a different link attached to it). It challenged me in a way that pissed me. I was mainly ticked off because I knew he was right. I had been sacrificing living in awe because of my continued pursuit of knowledge and understanding (my idols of sorts). These two messages really framed the last 10 years of my journey and put them into a perspective that has been such a blessing. It has been from this place that a new set of thoughts has begun to invade my brain space. Simplicity, something I have really never understood, has become something that I feel like I am beginning to gravitate towards. It feels so nostalgic in a matter speaking a breath of fresh air. It is not something that I can really explain via words, though maybe a picture might help in this instance.

All of this growth has sparked something within me which totally has messed with my understanding of abundant living. In these last 10 years I have experienced what I would call subsistence living. I went from pay check to pay check, month to month, wondering if I would have enough to pay the bills that I had accrued. Not a great feeling, and I know many can relate. I have recently had all of this challenged. Is it possible that I have misunderstood what it means to live and walk in abundance? Honestly, this question has haunted me for the last few years. It is quite difficult to live in a place knowing abundance should be mine, but always finding myself living in lack. It sucks when you see that the scripture says that we can live in abundance, but you see every circumstance turn on its head in a negative way. I never understood what the seeming problem was? However, this discrepancy began to drive me nuts. No one had answers and I was tired of living in frustration.

Somehow, I had over looked something so simple that I am sitting here kicking myself. One of the greatest themes in my life in the last few years has been the process of understanding the things that happen when we have a change in perspective. It is almost as if a whole new world opens up to us, though it had been there the whole time. When there is a shift of perspective what had originally been hidden begins to come into view. I chose to explore this idea as it pertains to the idea of abundance. What I noticed about my own thought process was that I had been completely focused on all of my expense and negative outcomes, that I really couldn’t see exactly what was coming in or what I actually had money for. This poses a HUGE problem for anyone who seeks to walk in abundance. From this place, we actually end up becoming “greedy” because we are focused on holding onto what we have. Whereas, if we could begin to understand what is coming in we would probably have a better understanding of the things we could give away. It’s easier to give away when you are aware that things are coming in. See the difference between the two is a flowing fresh water river, and a stagnant lake. One hoards water, the other distributes.

My understanding has changed a lot considering these ideas. I have begun to realize that those who typically are known for their giving, in the long run are the ones that have continually lived in abundance. Not that there are shaky months, but if you realize the amount that they have given away versus the “lack” they perceive, it might be astonishing just how much they have actually given away. What I am trying to say is, for some reason I am starting to believe that the abundance is found in what is given away rather than the things we are trying to hoard to ourselves. I really don’t have the best words to describe what I am getting at because I can see a glimmer of hope for those who feel like they have been doing so much yet haven’t reaped the benefits. Being in that place, I now wonder if maybe I have missed something. Can I be honest? For the longest time I have thought of abundance from a stand point of the total monetary or physical assets that a person has accumulated. This would fuel the fire of frustration because I was so focused on what everyone else had and what I was lacking. Being envious of others and comparing myself to them robbed me of something quite important. I am now aware that this definition is what causes the downward spiral of a poverty mindset.

A friend told me today, “…Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness; you will be enriched in everything for all liberality, which through us is producing thanksgiving to God.” I have seen this principle play out for my parents, but never thought much of it until now. I can only imagine how much my folks have given out monetarily as well as via other resources. My parents are not the most well off financially, but it always seems as if they have more in the tank to give others. I guess that is where I get my sense of generosity from.

Maybe the problem is that we give more attention to what we don’t have and trying to get those things rather than being thankful for what we do have and how we can use that to help others. My conclusion is that the abundant life is a life of generosity. If we aren’t willing to be generous we cannot expect to live abundantly. It is a life style that comes at a cost; as leadership requires service, abundance requires generosity.

Reality: The Mystery of Living

I stand...
Face to face with reality.
Before me a paradox of sorts.
Thoughts and substance surrounding me, so real...yet so fake.
Senses bewildered by the seemingly tangible.
Confused by matter...ethereal.
Real or fake...maybe something in between.

My heart screams fake.
My mind screams real.
Torn and conflicted by this paradox.
What is it that I see...that I hear?
Much like an image that transforms at the slightest move,
Or a pitch that seems to change as the head is turned.
Which image...
Which sound...
Which one is real?

Maybe it is simply me...
But dare I say that it is not?
No...I am sure!
Reality shifts as I perceive.
Yet, what do I perceive?
What is it that I have become aware of?

Pain?
Ah, yes, a familiar sensation
Neurons firing, triggering a response.
Eyes viewing tragedy, death, and suffering.
Guns pointed, bullets flying, bodies falling.
Fires ravaging, burning homes and memories.
Diseases running rampant, spreading relentlessly.
Destruction...a black night of destruction.

A tangible picture of reality?
So bleak.
Darkness, no light, no hope for tomorrow.
But all this changes with the intake and reception of new ideas.
A small fragment of new data altering the fabric of reality,
As if a new landscape appears from the void of nothingness.

Bright with rays of joy and peace.
Tales of epic heroism and bravery.
Pictures of humanity rising together.
Differences uniting rather than dividing.
Conversation beginning to spark understanding.
A people who value connection over being right.
Music sung to inspire the masses to greatness,
A future wrought with the brightness of Hope.

I stand...
Face to face with reality.
Restless with excitement but confused.
What is reality?
Is it subjective or objective.
Do I bend to it? Does it bend to me?
Do I shape it? Does it shape me?
Or is reality a multi-faceted diamond?
Reality shining forth depending on the angle from which viewed.

From the wall I see many possibilities.
Up on my perch looking out, I understand many things.
The dynamics of the world in a constant power struggle.
Which aspect of reality will people view?
Of which slice shall people consume and digest?
Will it be the poison of destruction?
Will it be the panacea of hope?
Will people choose darkness cloaked in hate?
Will people choose light adorned in love?
Or will they choose something all together different?

Ultimately those choices are seen in the way people respond.
Often most are unaware of what they have chosen until the end.
They communicate one thing while living another.
Such is the human experience.
Yet, a Legacy lives for generations....
Choices made apparent for future generations to behold.
The path of reality choose affects much.
A single entity can affect the synergy of the universal whole.
Otherwise know as the butterfly effect.

As a Sage, I am still learning.
Learning the pathways yet available to me.
It is not to late to make decisions to alter reality.
Knowing when and how to make these choices, is the real challenge.

As for what reality is...
One must go on a journey to figure that out.
It is neither this or that...
Yet, a by-product of what we have formed.
Whether intentional or not, we have shaped out own realities.
Even so, these smaller realities are pare of a bigger picture.
A picture much more grand and vast that we comprehend.
It is a piece of unimaginable beauty and size, that fits all possibilities within itself.
The artist more clever, fun, and mysterious than one can conceive.
Our parts never messing up or marring his picture of reality.

                                                                         - By Cordell Winrow


Thanks for taking the time to read this. Its been a while since I allowed myself to free form some poetry. This is what came out. I was in a coffee shop and thought, "Hmm, it might be good to free verse...". Well this is what came about as a result. Even while writing it felt like I was waiting at the edge of my own seat to see what would be written next. I was unaware of which words would come next or how it was going to sound. I knew though, as much as it was me writing this...it really wasn't. It was that moment where you can see yourself doing something but you aren't even privy to the thoughts and words that are taking shape until they are actually written or spoken. This was very much fun to write...and watch being written.

I would definitely love some feed back if you have the time. Thanks all.

The Toxic Mix of Slander and Gossip

Some days you just need to get to a coffee shop to watch videos on You Tube to get the creative juices flowing and to calm your mood. That is where I am right now, away from my stress to actually figure a few things out finally. Inspirational videos of great artist, vocalist, and other musicians typically are a great cure for what ails me. Now that I am in better spirits I can probably synthesize my frustration a bit more accurately.

Recently I posted a video that contained something that Victoria Osteen had stated. I believe quite emphatically that she could have made her statement more clearly and to the point so as to be understood better, but even so, what she said resonated and rung true to me. I have been privilege to read a few things by Joel Osteen that have helped me out of a cycle of stinky thinking. As result, I have morphed from being a hater, to someone who respects Joel. However, another important factor in my choice to stand up for Joel and Victoria has to do with the understanding I now have concerning the idea of slander and gossip.

It is one thing to disagree with someone based upon an understanding that we carry. It is proper to express perceived differences to come to an understanding, even going as far as exchanging ideas to help cause illumination to happen for an individual. Constructive conversations and even intense disagreements are perfectly fine and acceptable. Where the line gets crossed is when the he said she said stuff starts to come out. This is also known as gossip, which is simply second hand information that doesn’t come from any of the parties being talked about. Another line that gets crossed often which in my estimation is more deadly than gossip is slander. People think that it is okay to talk negatively about a person they do not know. At times super-imposing ideas based upon biases that they carry, or gossip that they have heard. None of it can really be verified by the accused parties since it is typically carried out behind the backs of those who are being slandered.

Both gossip and slander are things that are weapons of mass destruction that at times can cause irreparable damage to those that it is used against. Gossip and slander, are not like nuclear weapons that can totally incinerate you within a matter of moments. They are like super toxic poisons that corrode from the inside out. Just the smallest bit of these poisons can cause more damage that one could anticipate. These poisons are deadly because they are spread quite easily and are highly contagious. The American culture is a like a petri dish that is primed for the incubation of said poisons. Very few people are fully immune to the effects of slander and gossip or becoming carriers who infect others with its deadly contamination. Yet, the most harm that comes from gossip and slander actually occurs in the carriers and spreaders of the poison, not the people who are the target of the slander or gossip. It is ironic, gossip and slander, much like un-forgiveness and bitterness, affect the host more than it will affect the target of the poison.

People do not understand that gossip and slander erode who we are as people at the core. We start manifesting things we never thought possible, and most of the time it goes under the radar and un-diagnosed for years at a time. By the time these things become apparent, habits, thought processes, biases, and prejudices have begun to solidify, making it quite difficult to uproot or administer a cure. The sad part about the whole situation is that it causes people to become delusional, suspicious, zealous, combative, and have problems understanding. People become passionate defenders of what they perceive as truth, to the point that their eye sight to see a different perspective becomes severely hindered. People who have opposing viewpoints are no longer seen as family, friends, or brothers in arms. They become antagonist, enemies, and people to be subdued (or brought into the truth). The us versus them mentality becomes clear to see to those on the outside, but to those who are in the thick of things they often times to do not realize that this approach is the root cause of violent conflict (be it spiritual or physical…more on this in a future blog).

I want to offer the response I gave in response to some who were slandering Victoria Osteen’s comments.

               This is the comment that prompted my response:

So defiling the gospel is okay? When you twist scripture (like Satan did), its cool? That's what I got out of that one. What you said was true about the men God elected and called, but they repented of what they did. So Joel repents after ever service of how far he preaches from the truth? Theological understanding in America is so pathetic....

I will only address one thing that has been said here. People are so freaking enamored with false teachers and false doctrine and all the other false things, that most of the time when truth hits them in the face they don't know how to recognize it simply because they have been paying attention to the fakes for so long.

That much being said, I personally think that it would simply be better to let fakes run their mouths and do all the smoke and mirrors stuff they do, than to spend all our energy worrying about who is fake and who is not. Ultimately Paul summed up the gospel rather easily. It is not in mere words but in the demonstration of power. It bears fruit (love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, joy, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). It is summed up in Love. Jesus said something very interesting, "They will know that you are my disciples by your LOVE." Not by how well you understand doctrine, having perfect theology, saying the right things, quoting the right scriptures, the way your worship music sounds, how much you fast, how loud pray...He said simply by your love...Funny, these are all things I HAVE heard Joel talk about and preach MANY times.

People are so wrapped up on this whole "prosperity Gospel" thing that they have forgotten that it’s because of the Gospel that we can enjoy REAL prosperity. I mean I am pretty sure the same guy that I mentioned...David penned, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." That is something that we eventually did see in the life of David. David desired for a house of worship to the Lord be built...guess what...IT WAS BUILT by his son Solomon. Jesus said, "Ask anything in my name and it will be given to you..." He also said, "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open to you..." The funny thing is...most of us try to rationalize what Jesus said, but He also made a very important statement that many of us forget..."let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." You have talked about theology, but I am pretty sure Jesus meant what he said. Maybe just maybe this is so far of our Western Civilized grid, because Jesus made it THAT EASY. He made it SO EASY it’s HARD.

See, I find it even more intriguing that within the pages of the bible, you find that our main characters received such grace from God even in the midst of their short comings and hang ups. But if they had lived today...most would hear the same chanting that Jesus heard, "Crucify Him, Crucify Him." We play so civilized but we are just as blood thirsty as the crowd that wanted to kill Jesus. The only difference being we do so subtly. We would rather assassinate a person’s character and disqualify them from "ministry" than to see them "lead someone astray", when in fact I can only imagine the kind of fall out that happened when David took that census and caused countless people to lose their lives. I wonder if the people wanted to have him dethroned...but you see in scripture he kept his position. Yet, if Joel Osteen doesn't preach enough about sin, we want him OUT. He is a FALSE TEACHER a FALSE PROPHET. Give me a break. This is pitiful guy, just pitiful.

I mean really, Jesus had a great idea that I think is brilliant. Ever read the parable of the wheat and the tares. That sums up my feeling of how to deal with those who are "wolves in sheep's clothing" and those who are "called of God". Let them grow together. After a given time it will be seen what they are. Once fully matured then deal with them as needed. Notice, the servants in said parable were given specific instructions NOT to deal with the tares until the proper time. Who among us know when that perfect timing is? Ya, I didn't think so. We do more damage fighting this battle trying to pluck things out of the soil than we do by letting things grow to seen for what they truly are. It is rather SHORT sided and immature honestly.

Yes, I am saying exactly what you think I am saying. Let those who preach a false gospel continue to preach. Given a proper amount of time it will reveal itself for what it is. Meanwhile, that does put more responsibility on the average person to take the time to become familiar with God rather than use the cookie cutter model of Christianity...or as I refer to it..."Churchianity". It will NEVER fall on to a leader to make you more mature in your walk with Christ. That is the Holy Spirit's job. Every teacher of the Gospel or Pseudo teacher of the Gospel will have to give an account for what they have spoken and taught. God will deal with them how he needs to deal with them. However, it really just isn't beneficial to sit her and hurl slanderous arrows at a person just because we do not get where they are coming from, or they are violating our understanding of scripture. Honestly, that is just arrogant on many accounts.

Do I think Joel and his wife Victoria are perfect? No.

Do I think that they have a lot to learn about delivering things? You bet.

Am I willing to call them false teachers or false prophets? No, not at all.

Am I willing to be mature enough to eat the meat and spit out the bones? Yep, but that is something I do with a lot of "bible" teachers. Yes, this includes but is not limited to...MacArthur, Driscoll, Bell, Piper, Wright, Edwards, Nee, Murray, Prince, Meyer, White, Hinn, Wommack, Johnson, Vallotton, Silk, Cooke...just to name a few.

All of these men and women, have blessed me tremendously, but have also caused a bit of frustration. Are they false teachers? NO. Are they false prophets? NO. They all have perspectives that differ from each other, yet line up with scripture. Imagine that. We have some who are Trinitarian in there theology, and some who are not. We have some who are Calvinists and others who are not. Charismatic, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, Non-Denominational...I mean who freaking cares which label they are. Do they love Jesus? Are they walking with him? Are they on a journey? Okay then let us move right along because they are no different than you or I.

I have made major errors, yet none of those who know me would ever dream of calling me a false teacher or prophet. Everyone who has posted on this thread has done the same things. There are no crazy accusations being hurled at you guys for what you have taught or believed at one point...so why the heck are we sitting in the seat of judgment over them when we know it would be HYPOCRITICAL to do, since we have made errors in speaking, thinking, and critiquing? We have all had to learn and grow given time and mistakes.

Theological understanding in America isn't pathetic, however, people would rather their theology over relationship with the one who has perfect theology and is committed to helping people journey into said theology. People don't want to get messy, to make mistakes; to have a functional theology that actually WORKS outside of their little bubbles. The study of God will always pale in comparison to actually knowing and walking WITH HIM. Study is not synonymous with knowing. Funny thing is you can study someone without knowing them, but you cannot know this without continually being with them and studying them. Knowing about someone is definitely different than actually knowing said person. That is where Western Christianity misses the mark. Not all of Western Christianity, I wouldn't want to overgeneralize and marginalize the people who actually spend their time KNOWING God rather than knowing about God.

In my opinion, no matter how you slice this, whether you dislike Joel and Victoria, it does no one any good to sit here and complain about how horrible they are. What is it going to change? It is a bad idea to grumble and complain about someone you disagree with that God has put his stamp of approval on. Why not simply ask God for understanding in places that rub you the wrong way? Just saying, he doesn't carry our biases. So my vote is to simply wait until God makes a distinctive judgment on this issue whether wheat or tare.

Again, the topic of slander and gossip are things that I take with utmost seriousness. I have seen too many people hurt from deciding to slander and gossip about others, as well as the fall out of broken relationships of those who have been slandered and gossiped against. It isn’t a pretty sight. There are areas that we need to get in check otherwise the church will continue to look foolish and like a non-option to the world around it. It is not a great idea to kill those you call your own or carry the same label “Christian” as you. In this way, there is still not much of a distinction between those who say they follow Jesus and those who don’t. We have to get to the stuff that is underneath the hood rather than looking to fix cosmetic issues. There are deeper issues to be dealt with if Christians as a whole in North America want to be taken seriously by those in our own neighborhoods as well as across the world. It is kind of depressing to hear that in various places in the world Christians are praying not to turn out like American Christians.

Just some food for thought.

Racism and Where I Have Come From

I posted a mini rant from a friend on Facebook today which garnered a lot of attention, which I was not expecting. It wasn’t long before I was smack dab I the middle of a white vs. black perspective debate on racism. From where I was sitting, I could see and understand both viewpoints. Though, at one point I became more interested in the disagreement than the perspectives. At one point this idea was shared:

“Racism = A systematized attempt to subjugate a people group that does not hold privilege.

Prejudice = A judgment of another people group, privileged or not.

Discrimination = Acting on prejudice.

If you are a WHITE male, you are privileged. That does not mean you are rich, it means that you hold certain privileges that black males don’t.”

This might be hard to swallow, but as a black man I find this to be very true. An example of this can be seen with this social experiment.

It sucks to see this in action, but for many black young men, this is the type of double standard that we face day in and day out. I for one have been on the receiving end of some pretty messed up things on account of my skin color.

I want to be very careful not to marginalize or even over emphasize the way in which these things happen, but I cannot speak for every single black male on the face of the planet. What I can say is that in my experience of 28 years, I have seen some things that absolutely blow my mind.

With the recent happenings in Ferguson, I find the media propaganda and certain remarks made by people as an exasperation of an already touchy subject. What’s more is that I find many white men and women ready to zero in and crucify the deceased to put the blame on him for LOOKING like a thug and for being the cause of why the officer felt threatened. People, I am 5’4 115lbs and could cause a cop to feel threatened just because I am black, and believe me it has happened before.

What is it about a black person that causes this suspicion, or the need to walk on eggshells? What causes people to feel like they have to become politically correct? I honestly do not understand? Are the roots of generational discrimination, prejudice, and racism still prevalent in the way that we see people? Are we still stuck in the era of slavery in which black people are less than a full person? Why is it that a black male cannot get the same treatment as a white male? Meaning in our high profile cases why is it that we have more white males making it into police cars to be apprehended than black males? Can someone answer me with this Ferguson case, why people were so quick to mistake Mike Brown and Joda Cain as if to pardon Officer Wilson and absolve him of the incident that occurred? Yet, if the situation had been reversed things would have had a drastically different outcome. I find these things to be quite troubling.

I’ll go so far as to say this though it might seem petty. Why is it that I had to work at 200% capacity as a high school baseball player, to get the same consideration as another athlete of equal skill who was only working at 70% capacity? He plays and starts the whole season, and I sit the bench. The only difference between the two of us, I was black he was white. Note we played international baseball together on the same team, both of us as starters. I had a better work ethic which was known by both the coaching staff and other players.

Before people start cheering or throwing stones at me let me talk about black people real quick as a black person. If the only think that can cause us to come together is unfair treatment and a murder, then we are doing it wrong.

I probably will not be liked for what I am about to say, but that’s nothing new for me. I was born African American, I definitely look the part, but for most of my 28 years of living, I have been referred to as an ‘Oreo’. This is something that I have become rather numb to as I spent so many years in agonizing pain dealing with a crisis of identity because of black people. Now before I continue, I am not saying this about all black people. I haven’t met all black people, however, the ones that I do know, many have at some point made this derogatory remark or something like it towards me.

I lived on the ‘wrong’ side of town, had the ‘wrong’ friends, didn’t talk ‘black’ enough, didn’t dress ‘black’ enough, and made to feel less than most of my peers. I was made fun of and demeaned almost every day. All of this coming not from white people, but from black people. It amazes me as I look back just how much I felt I did not belong to the culture that my phenotype displayed on a daily basis.

I don’t even want to get into the whole music industry and what is being communicated through the airwaves of our secular media, heck; even our TV programming leaves a lot to be desired. But, that is a topic that I will pick up at another time.

I am grateful for church mothers (Nana Walker, Willie Nunley, Mozelle Henderson, Mary Calip, and Mom Gooch) who honestly large reasons I was able to keep my head up while walking through much of the crap I went through at a young age. Mothers, who believed in my potential, and reminded me to keep going, I am also reminded of some of the church fathers that were around (Grover Walker, Bennie Calip, Marcus Johnson, and Willie Nunley) who took the time to establish that there was nothing that I couldn’t accomplish if I put my mind to it. These were men, who taught me not to settle for mediocre, and to go excel in every way. They taught me how to wear a suit, to tie a tie, to enunciate, and communicate with respect.

Most of that was undone by my peers, those I spent ample time with. No matter what great things I was taught, there was this looming reality that was more tangible than the dreams and hopes that an older generation could see in me.

This is where I first realized the deep well of frustration and resentment I carried towards the black community. I felt such a disconnection with being someone who was acceptable to the world around me. See more often than not even though I was black, I wasn’t good enough or black enough. I was talked to differently, belittled, at times to the point where my family as a whole was talked about. I heard things in secret that I was never meant to hear. I grew up eating collard greens, cornbread, ox-tails, chitterlings, black-eyed peas, sweet potato pie…just like my peers…but I was never good enough to be equal in their eyes. For a kid going through elementary school, junior high, and high school, it was rough feeling like I had no cultural identity to be proud of.

So from both sides I was the oreo, the white washed black guy, the guy who didn’t sound black, who didn’t act black, who wasn’t really black because of my eye color. After a while I became numb to it all. However, all that has changed recently. I am haunted by the poor choices of vocabulary that my peers use in reference to me. More so than being haunted…I find myself ANGRY!

I find myself in an interesting position. On the one hand I totally understand what it is like to be discriminated against by white people because of my skin tone. I know what it’s like to be watched like a hawk when going in to a store and having people follow you to make sure you don’t steal anything. I know what it’s like to be talked down to and mistreated because of my skin color. On the other hand, I know what it’s like to be treated as a privileged person. How nothing you can do is right, nothing you can say measures up. Your actions are typically always wrong, and the crap that you get for it. I know what it’s like to get an 80,000 dollar education while having to hear people talk about how you think you are better than them because of x, y, or z. I know what it’s like to have the privilege of being a musician that gets to play in Central Park and Carnegie Hall. I can see how where I was raised and the opportunities I was afforded allowed me to enjoy many privileges that others might not get.


I find that I am afforded an interesting position, a vantage point which allows to see things from two different perspectives. Let me say this blatantly, Racism sucks. Discrimination hurts. Prejudice is not okay. The conversation needs to be brought up. It needs to be addressed. As a friend of mine said it’s about time that we have a Human Rights Movement. People ALL PEOPLE, need to be treated with the same type of care and dignity. Not judged by the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their height, weight, figure, sex...as Martin Luther King Jr. stated, "...but by the content of their character..."

The Battle with Rejection

There are few things in this world that can make me cringe internally, like the topic of rejection. It has been something that has been with me for almost 20 years in varying degrees. It viciously haunted my waking hours as well as my dreams. At some point it became more subtle and vexing often times sabotaging my life when I needed things to occur the most. My relationships, my dreams, my hopes and aspirations, even my education fell victim to this silent but deadly killer. Nothing sucks worse than to be beaten up by a foe you cannot even see or to see your dreams and relationships slip through your fingers like sand. I want to offer a bit of hope and possibly a new perspective for those who deal with rejection.

I have heard it said over and over as I was growing up from Adults, Christians, and even some well-meaning and intentioned friends, that rejection really isn’t that big of a deal.

“One must just get over it and move on.”

“Forget about what others think and do your own thing.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“If you trust God, then other people’s opinions about a subject wouldn’t even matter.”

“Don’t take it personally.”

“It’s their loss.”

“Pray for them.”

“You should go out more and make new friends.”

“Be thankful for the good in your life.”

All of these lovely gems are in my estimation a good attempt at trying to show concern, but some of the crappiest things that we could share with people going through rejection. If any of these things were that easy most people’s lives would look totally different than they do now. All that typically happens is that people either stuff the issues or deal with the symptoms never actually being free of that feeling of rejection that slowly corrodes the everyday lives that people live. Though some of these might have gems of wisdom to take from them, the delivery is rather impersonal and at times very impractical for someone who is walking through the forest of rejection.

My good friend and sister, Anny Donewald, shared this gem with me, “Although it’s true we should pray for them, no one wants to hear that shit when you’re cut and bleeding. The best thing to do when someone is going through that is to simply listen. Most of the time people just want and need to be heard.”

Janelle Evans another great friend offers a complimentary response, “Most of the time things people say aren’t really for you, but to help them avoid having to participate in your lament. Don’t comfort me with dumb phrases, just sit with me and wait for me to get over the sting. Well let me rephrase what I said about ‘avoiding’ participating in your lament. It’s not usually that they don’t care about your feelings; it’s just difficult for them to enter in. You’re in pain, and avoiding pain is a part of our natural self-preservation instinct. When we pick up on another’s pain, instead of entering it head on and sitting in it with our brothers/sisters while they mourn, we often feel a compulsive need to try and ease the
tension/uncomfortableness/awkwardness of the situation. We try to say something…some Band-Aid/quick fix words, which will ease our OWN discomfort with your pain. One thing I learned this year was that the greater the tragedy, the fewer the words which need to be spoken. We simply suffer together, trust that we must endure in the weeping but joy will return. ‘Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.”

After dealing with rejection for so long, I have actually begun to root these things out. Why is it so hard to be done with rejection which erodes the core of who I am? Well, thanks to my sister Anny who came up with the idea of rejection being like giving birth, I have a few solid thoughts concerning dealing with rejection. Any woman knows that giving birth is NOT easy. It is chaotic and at times messy. There are many people involved with giving birth as well. Firstly you have the Doctor/Midwife , usually the father of the child, the Doula, the Labor Nurse, the OB Tech, the Nursery Nurse, and Specialist as directed. If dealing with being reject is like giving birth, then the way that we have handled people who are rejected largely needs to change. One does not tell a pregnant mother to deal with the things she is going through callously. She is given the utmost support and care. The delivery is also done in a sterile environment which is a safe zone.

Knowing all of this I wonder why we are not able to give those who go through rejection the same kind of treatment. It is a tough issue as a whole to go through. One that has far reaching implications of not handled with care. Many are afflicted with the after effects of rejection gone wrong because things were not handled in an appropriate manner. Rejection often gives rise to a ton of nasty side effects and symptoms that are often times unnoticed until too late.

I want to offer some hope for those who realize they deal with rejection and its unsightly symptoms. Rejection is not something that has to rule your life or sabotage your future. The hardest thing is that you will need to acknowledge that you do deal with rejection and the issues it causes. Rather than running away from the issue, one will have to tackle it head on and owning the issue. This is not something that one can let slide. No sugar coating it! Own it! Own the fact that it is causing brokenness in your life. Own the fact that it’s creating a dynamic that you hate. Own the fact that it’s messing with relationships and dreams. That will be the most difficult part in dealing with the issue. Make no excuses for it being there, simply acknowledge its presence. As you are able to do that, it really sets YOU up to expel it from your life. Meaning when you are able to deal with rejection, you will also be dealing with its stupid symptoms as well. Yes, that means YOU as a person have to deal with the issue. It is not something that can be solved without you putting in the effort. You have to face your fears, the lies you have believed, replacing those lies with truths. There really is no place for excuses when dealing with issues like these. They must be tackled head on with RAW, UNCUT, and REAL honesty.

My friend and Author Praying Medic wrote a blog dealing with emotional healing that is a great summation of what I have also experienced. Dealing with rejection isn’t a complicated process; it is one that just needs to dealt with. It is one that may take multiple times dealing with, but ultimately there is always something to be gained as we walk through the process of dealing with the issue as a whole. In addition if you like psychology another article that might be good to look into would be a study in the stages of grief.

If you have any other questions or need to vent or work through some personal rejection issues, feel free to leave a comment.

The Bible: Law 2.0

Well now that you have read the title, I am sure you might be wondering what I mean. If you have taken any time to read my blogs you will know that I am a proponent of radical grace in all aspects and areas of life. I personally believe the law is utterly useless and full of crap. (Put down the stones…I see you back there…). I am sure many of you who are reading this have your guards put up and defenses strengthened. I can promise you, this blog isn’t what you might think, though there are aspects that will probably thoroughly offend some. It is not my intent to offend anyone or beat people down. I see that happening in the church quite frequently as it is. I hope this will provide relief, peace, and freedom.

So contrary how the title itself sounds, I actually do enjoy the bible. I find it has a ton of great lessons, nuggets of wisdom, sage advice, exhortation, and admonition. It definitely has a ton of uses which I am not knocking the least. As I have been on the receiving end of many of its blessings. I am not bringing that into question at all. So if I am not disputing those things, then what am I getting at? Well I am glad you asked...

I once had the privilege of meeting an author whom I thoroughly enjoyed. Their writing was captivating and inspiring. As they masterfully strung words together, I would always find myself in another realm. If they talked about a morning breeze and dew on the ground, I could almost tangibly feel it on my skin. I could read this authors books over and over. Can you imagine my surprise when I was able to meet this amazing writer in person? I fumbled over my words, but expressed how I loved everything that I had read, how I felt so drawn to them as a writer. It was as if I had known that person all of my life. However, reality came crashing down as the author asked my name and who he was autographing the book for. I soon realized that even though I was familiar with the writing of that great author, I was not familiar to him or with him. See I knew the authors writings, but I did not know the author. But even more of a blow to my ego was the fact that the author did not even recognize me.

The same could be said of many Christians today? While the vast majority of Christians are familiar with passages of scripture, having favorite books, stories, passages, characters…I sometimes wonder if they are at times missing the point of it all. I have heard it said that person A is like David, or person B is like a Peter, or even person C like a Paul. At times I have seen people even say things like, it is as if I really know what David was like, and I can really identify with him. The only question I have is this; have you actually met David, Peter, or Paul? I understand the pull that happens when we get to know certain characters in what we read. Well written characters have the ability to capture our hearts and bring us into their world in a way. The problem is, we are not really in their world and we have not actually met them. If we were given the ability to have them come to life, sadly they would not know us, and we would still not really know them.

See there is a difference in knowing about someone and actually knowing that person. This is where we get to the crux of the matter. The Bible: Law 2.0 is about turning the bible into our ending rather than launching point into knowing the person of Christ. As ridiculous as this might sound, this is becoming more and more prevalent in “Bible Believing” communities. Now this is not a knock on anyone. Please hear my heart. I am quite concerned over the pattern of religious abuse that I have come to see as people are endeavoring to encounter God. The bible makes it very plain that we are supposed to encounter a LIVING Jesus, an ACTIVE Holy Spirit, and a WORKING Father. Yet, what I have come to find especially where I live in Fresno, people are afraid of encountering a Living Jesus, an Active Holy Spirit, and a Working Father, face to face. Religion has been teaching us that our need for the book is just as important, if not more so than are need to actually KNOW God.

If you understand the moral of the story that I shared before, there is quite a difference between knowing ABOUT God through His book, and actually KNOWING God. The bible was never meant to be our end goal, but merely a sign that points to a great existing reality. However, someone we have mistaken the sign as being the only means to get to know this eternal transcendent God.  It is the launching point not the destination.

The more I continue on my journey, the more I realize that life is full of signs that point directly to the person of Christ. I find it fascinating that most of the time I have missed these signs because of my own upbringing and indoctrination. The more I allow Holy Spirit to do what he does in teaching me, the more I find Jesus to be every bit more real that the pages of the book described him as being. What’s more, the conversations with Him have been more tangible than the ink on those pages. Dare I say it, interacting with the living Jesus is so much more awesome that reading the book about Him. I am not trying to be sacrilegious in any way. It is just either the book was telling the truth that He would never leave us nor forsake us, that the anointing that we have received abides…or it was lying and in such case it would be better to throw the book out anyways.

I have determined for myself that if the bible really is true, then I should seek what it says I should seek. It says that I should seek to know CHRIST…not the pages of the book. I mean the book says that Jesus made an interesting statement. “"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter." Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'" And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.' Now if that is what the book says Jesus said, then I want to take it seriously and actually get to know the guy himself. In that way I see the book being a sign that points to the reality of Christ. The pages of the book are not to become for us what the 10 commandments + the other 400+ laws were for the Jews of that day. The bible was never meant to become Law 2.0.

I leave you with these questions? Is what you are doing leading you to knowing Christ in a tangible intimate way? Or is it causing you to know scripture without knowing the person. Are you okay with God encountering you in a way that is uncomfortable...or have you made up in your mind that the only way God can encounter you is the way you have predetermined? Please do not hear what I am not saying. I am not saying throw away the bible. I am saying that if the bible says we are supposed to know the Lord and experience Him…shouldn’t we actually take that serious and do what it says? Isn’t that the highest priority of a Christian...to know God?

But what do I know I am just a fellow traveler trying to figure all of this out. J

What If This Were True?

At times I simply stare wide eyed in wonder. Am I living life or is life living me? Is this first person or third person? I look at my palms, almost staring through them. What is real? The texture of my skin, the feel of the hot air around me, is it real or is it a figment of my imagination? Is this nothing more than a construct of the walls my imagination creates or is this all there is? Let me back up for a second. I see these thoughts can be quite confusing without proper context. 

See, in the deepest reaches of my being, are the faintest glimmers of mystical experience that can only be described as other worldly. Sparkles of brilliance amongst the mass of darkness, the backdrop from which illumination and radiance begin to shine. This is my own inner darkness, depression, and depravity. Rather, my self-imposed darkness, depression, and depravity. Though the cloak of this living darkness seeks to suffocate all sparks of life, I find myself amazed at the resilience of ideas, dreams, hopes, and wants that seem to be immortal and unconquerable.

See there is a silly notion that runs rampant. No matter how many times society, family, friends, religion try to assassinate it, the eternal entity, this dream continues to live on. It has faced the electric chair, the firing squad, the gas chamber, lethal injection, decapitation, the noose, even being drowned. Yet, like a phoenix it is reborn each time with new intensity always engulfed in flames. My eyes cannot forget what has already been seen. No matter how much I fight, I am overcome by the urge to be my own superhero. No cape, not tights, or spandex, yet these abilities and ideas that overcome every barrier known to man.

As I awaken from my slumber, a question begins to haunt me. WHO….AM….I? From the darkness arise those small but intense radiant lights. Piece by piece these lights fragments begin forming an essence, an entity, not yet to have been seen by the world around it. They pulse with light, yet are being arranged in phenomenal detail. What or rather WHO is this? Are we in first person or are we in third person. Am I viewing me or am I viewing someone else?

I would swear I was seeing a musically themed super hero. He vibrated and resonated sound. He carried around a guitar, played the drums, loved by all, able to tap into a realm all his own and create sounds that would unlock the emotional heartbeat of all he came in contact with. He was charming, full of charisma, gentle, and full of wisdom. Mild mannered was his nature, full or hospitality, and wit. His persona was larger than life, full of joy. He is one that wants to share gifts with all he encounters. Humble and thoroughly loving, that is who this man is.

 However, when I changed perspective and looked at him again, I was amazed. He was a fighter. He had punches and kicks that could dominate any man on the planet. He was like fire. Once ignited, he was quite hard to control. He is full of passion and a sense of loving justice. His determination was one that could not be moved or budged. He was loved by all because of the intentionality of his ways. He was honest beyond anything anyone had ever seen. Truly this must have been the true form of the entity that was being made.

As I was lost in my thoughts, the light refracted causing me to be drawn in. What I was seeing was nothing like the other men I had seen. This one, he is refined, scholarly, a gentleman par excellent. The air around him was noble, refined, without a hint of arrogance or narcissism. His mere presence invited those around him into a higher place of being. He caused the dreams within people to awaken and begin to bloom. He was all about others and maximizing ones potential for the benefit of the world around. This man smelled of selflessness, a fragrance of pure intoxication.

Just when I thought I had seen everything this being had to offer, I was again surprised as I witnessed a vast new horizon. I was in the presence of a sage. His wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of the laws governing the world around were second to none. He was well learned but had such experience to back him up. It was a rare mixture which caused his words to hit home with force. As he spoke I realized though he had many answers, it was not the place he derived his essence from. I could tell he had more questions than I could fathom at this point. His questions fueled his desire to continue learning and understanding life. Though he looked relatively young, I understood that he had been around for eons.  He would continue even after most of the world as I knew it had passed away.

As overwhelming as all of this was, I shaken to full attention as a hand grasped my shoulder. I turned around and there was the entity well rather it felt like the entity but rather than being formed it was moving as if it were already alive.  As I looked I was undone. Of everything I had just written down and pondered, I was met face to face with a being that transcended my physical sense forcefully but gently bringing me into a space that had previously been hidden to the human eye. Call it supernatural, metaphysical, eternal, those words are only able to scratch the surface of where I was thrust into. As I looked at this person, I realized he is the sage, the musician, the gentleman, and the fighter. They are mere facets of his eternal being…my eternal being.  Gazing into His eyes I saw myself. He is Me, and I am Him. However, he was not finished, as I watched this surreal even unfold, He began to create. The artistry, the creativity, the innovation, and innocence, brought me to tears. I could hear the symphony as he sculpted. I heard the poetry as he painted. I could see the cinema sequence as he choreographed. Though it made no cognitive sense, my whole being felt as if this is exactly what I have been looking for all my life.

All at once I was again alone in my room. Left to ponder the mystery of what lies within me. Again to fight a voice that tells me there is nothing to like about myself. There is nothing to love…nothing worthwhile.

But…

This time…

I am not alone.

God Is Good: Stop Blaming Him for Things People Screw Up

It is interesting to go to church and actually have Jesus meet you there. The fact that he was elated to see me also floored me.  I have been so pissed off at Jesus for last few months because of some issues that have been plaguing my heart. I have been blaming God for some majorly awesome things that have gotten ruined because of human stupidity. Please bear in mind, that I do not subscribe to the idea of God’s Sovereignty in the way that many describe it as being. I do not believe that God has created us and the world as miniature puppets that he micromanages. When he gave us free will, I truly believe that it was given to us in totality, meaning that we have the ability to screw up the great opportunities that God will place in front of us. I believe that he always has our good in mind and orchestrates wonderful things for us ALL the time, not just some of the time. And I believe that I should expect great things from Him because He has always proved faithful in that area; which brings me to a few statements that are going to be hard for some to hear. First being, what God has for you is for you, and you can royally screw it up because of stupidity. Second being, if we are devastated by the things that don’t work out the way we thought they should have, maybe we should consider if we have put our faith in something OTHER than Jesus. Lastly, God is not to blame when others choose to act foolishly and we get hurt in the process. God gave us all the ability to choose…EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. God is not to blame for tragedies that happen, or situations that get out of hand.

I will be the first to admit, God was the first person I blamed after getting fired from the job that he told me he was giving me. Simply put, things didn’t work out the way I had anticipated. I have NEVER EVER been fired from a job, so this felt absolutely shitty. Not to mention for some odd reason I felt as if the conditions for which I was fired were a breach of my ‘contract’ with the whole God being good thing. I put contract in quotes because I realize that is a major place of stinky thinking that has really been a huge factor in this whole ordeal. Nevertheless, I was absolutely pissed off. My fault, God’s fault, or their fault, I had gotten hurt massively. There were many thoughtless accusations thrown out but not as devastating as being accused of sleeping with one of the kids I was taking care of. In my bitter hurt, I blamed God for being the sole cause of the wrong I suffered. It has taken a few months, but after talking with one of my closest friends, I realized that God had become my scapegoat for my pain, not because He did anything wrong, but because we tend to lash out at those closest to us, blaming them for things that they never did. I had no one to lash out against because of the hurt. I sunk into a deep pit of depression and God well he was the asshole that I never wanted to talk to again. I mean how could he do that to me. Take me all the way to Texas just to allow this to happen? Was he trying to teach me something…? If so…that’s all kinds of abusive. Gone were the ideas of God’s goodness. They had been replaced with the idea that God was an abusive Father.  Even though I could definitely talk about how God was good all the time and had a theology centered on such a thing…my heart had been seared, Jesus was an asshole that I wanted nothing to do with. Why you ask? Because he let something so devastating happen to his kid.

Let me just put this out there; I do not think Jesus is an asshole, that was my hurt speaking. That was pain speaking that had no answers. I booked a trip to Oregon to visit my best friend. I knew the trip was going to be an awesome get away something that I needed, but something that I could bless her with as well. The Sunday right before Memorial Day, we got into a conversation about our hurts really beginning to sort out some major frustrations. In the middle of our talk, we both realized as if coming out of a foggy haze that God did not control the stupidity of those we are in relationship with. He doesn’t make their decisions for them. He always brings awesome opportunities to bless his kids; what they do with those blessings really is up to them. As I stated at the beginning of the blog, people have the ability to screw up the blessings that are brought into their lives because of stupidity. When that happens, it isn’t God’s will OR God’s fault. God is not abusive nor is he an asshole who wants to set his children up for failure. Yet, that is what religion subtly feeds us. If things do not happen the way in which perceive they should or something erratic happens, then the outcome was obviously God’s will, and we should not get upset or try to rectify the situation.

 I call BULLSHIT! I find this to be especially true when it comes to things involving interpersonal relationships. God isn’t playing a cosmic game of chess against himself, so I cannot sit here and believe that he is controlling someone else’ response to me or to a situation that involves me. I cannot sit here and believe that when God blesses us there are always strings attached.  I don’t think that when God invited me out to Texas saying that He had a job already waiting out there for me, that he was secretly thinking, “Alright guys, how can we royally screw Cordell over? How can we get his hopes up and then watch them crumble? I wonder….” I am pretty sure when He invited me out there; he was looking at the best possible scenario. One that factored in my growth in knowing him, in learning to love people, and causing my hope to continue to grow. I am not going to sit here and think that this was the BEST possible scenario, or what He had in mind for me when I went out there. I do think that because of the way things have turned out, he has been ever influential in working all things together for my good.

See, I am starting to realize that I got screwed over by PEOPLE not by God. See God never once slandered me, called me out of my name, picked on me, or lied to me. Actually in pretty much all circumstances He was the only one to give me a heads up as to what was going on behind the scenes. In fact it was Him that was always calming me down when I was frustrated with the treatment of other staff and kids that I was seeing. He was ever present, presenting strategies and ideas on how to love people even better. I do not like playing the blame game; however, I want to paint this picture as best as I can. The fact of the matter is that God was not at fault in any of this. I personally was only in control of how I responded to things. My getting fired was OUT of my control and it was the decision of others. See, my employers, at one point saw me as a blessing. Sadly, they did not understand how to treat the blessing that they had received. They made poor decisions which directly impacted me. But, that is what happens when you are in relationship with other people. God can hit you with a perfect setup pass, and the shot taken can be epically missed. This happens more often than we care to realize. Relationships are two way streets that can be messed up by either party even when you have Jesus at the center. Even when Jesus is trying to set up lovers, the lovers can screw up big time. I think it’s high time that I take Jesus off the hook. He always sets things up awesomely. It is not His fault if I fail to take the shot he set up for me, or if I miss the shot, or if the other person gets the pass and decides to let it go to the other team. I think it’s time to start taking responsibility for the things that we are capable of doing.

No it is not God’s will for people to be hurt, sick, frustrated, and miserable or anything like that. That is my stance. He has made all provision for us to be successful with what we have. However, choosing to be responsible for the things given to us is something altogether different. Many would like to sit around and point the finger, blame God, and the like, but is it really God’s fault? The conclusion of the matter is this for me. My previous employers made a stupid decision in getting rid of me. If they only could have realized what they had, but it is too late now. Now someone else is going to benefit greatly from my expertise and knowledge. They let go of something amazing that God had sent to them. Ah well, their loss not mine. I have better things in front of me. No looking back.

I leave you with this…what are you still blaming God for? Is it time for you stop blaming Him? Is it time for you to own your responsibility? Is it time for you to maybe give God a fair chance? Maybe you will find out that he is a lot more AWESOME than you ever realized. Maybe you will find out that he isn’t anything like what people have made Him out to be. Maybe you will find the freedom to ask the questions that people are afraid to ask. My hope is that you find the strength to pick yourself up and continue moving forward.

Fellowship, Tithing, and Going to Church: My Frustrations with Modern Day Christianity

I cannot promise that this will end up being a short post. As you might have figured, frustration is what is fueling this post. Well, in all honesty, the frustration has died off a bit. My mind is much clearer so I can put together coherent thoughts that will more accurately convey what I am observing.

Fellowship, tithing, and going to church, are ideas that have been brought up frequently in the last month. Through many of these conversations, it has been made clear that there seems to be a grave misunderstanding with the use of such phrases. Within many of the circles I have been a part of, these words share a distinct relationship. Growing in a Christian house hold…we went to church to fellowship and pay our tithes. This would be a valid summary of what many other people have grown up under. However, this understanding of things is what causes such a dependence and obligation to religious system. What this spells out is RELIGIOUS DUTY AND OBLIGATION. If you do not perform…well…you miss out on the blessings that God has for you.

Recently, I did a bible study with close friends and we decided that the best topic to cover would be the idea of fellowship. Most if not all who were present for the study are what I would call church escapees or rebels. All of us have grown up within the confines of a shallow and narrow understanding of why we are “supposed” to go to church. All of us had the same scripture quote pop in our heads. “Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves,” is what popped into each one of our minds. This has been the most “crippling” proof text about why we have to be “in” church. In my snarkiness I decided to raise the question…, “Doesn't this count for assembling ourselves?” There was a small pause, but it was a unanimous decision. What we were doing constituted a “church” gathering…what’s more is that we were breaking bread together…OH MY GOODNESS we were being BIBLICAL?!?! You mean to tell me, we were being scripturally accurate without actually going to a “church”.  What’s more we were delving into things at what I would say was a higher level and more importantly, we were getting to know one another more intimately.

It was at that point that we realized true fellowship was happening. We were being intentional about being in each other’s lives, heading towards a common goal, from a common denominator. At someone some asked the question, “Does fellowship actually really happen at church?” We all looked at each other for a moment, before we all started laughing. Apparently there was an understanding that though we grew up in church, fellowship like we were experiencing currently NEVER had happened while we were doing our Sunday morning duties. Fellowship typically happened outside of the church setting, and found its home in the normal day to day things of life. We understood that fellowship requires intentionality and does not happen at an intimate place without that intentionality. Am I saying don’t go to church? Absolutely not! I am saying that if you are going to church for fellowship…you are probably not going to miss it.

I mean really…from what I have noticed church fellowship is akin to going to high school. Got your introductory things to wake you up, then got your announcements, got a few activities that involve others, then you are in your seat listening to the professor talk at you for a good 30 minutes to an hour. Then we are let out of our seats to go home. On the way home, we may see a few of our friends and others we haven’t seen in a while. We will put on a smile, exchange some small talk, grab our families and head of to watch the game, get dinner, or sleep. In what part of that has fellowship actually occurred? At what part have we invested in relationship? Yes we invested vertically, but have we invested horizontally? UH…probably not. Also, when I talk about fellowship words like partnership and participation help to clarify what I mean. Fellowship in my understanding means that we are becoming partners in each other’s lives, actively participating in the growth development and furthering of our lives as individuals as well as the moving forward of the Kingdom we say we are a part of.

Then another interesting thought came to mind, how do we actually begin to invest I the lives of those we are in fellowship with? That is where the monkey wrench of TITHING came into the picture. I am just going to say this right now…I do not believe in tithing PERIOD. I think tithing is so below the standard of Kingdom living, that it ought to be illegal. Yes, I admit I have strong feelings concerning this. However, my opinion is not without merit. Does anyone know what the TITHE actually is? If you are saying that it is 10% of your income…you are actually WRONG! VERY WRONG! My buddy Nathan wrote an excellent blog concerning this topic. Many people are ignorant concerning what the tithe is and what is was actually supposed to be used for. As such many put themselves in an unfavorable position because they are missing out on some major spiritual principles and things they are not legally bound too since they are not Jews. Secondly, they are functioning way under the Kingdom standard because it is based upon an inferior and NOW obsolete covenant. I will detail what I mean concerning that in another blog. There are major differences between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. The most major difference being that the compulsion we were under to carry out certain deeds was rendered impotent when the New Covenant of God’s grace was given. We now do things out of our heart not out of obligation.

So then what do you do with all that extra cash that’s lying around? GIVE IT AWAY CHEERFULLY. See the tithe was a mandatory thing. Now, we have the opportunity to give it away freely, cheerfully, and abundantly. We are not put in a place of responsibility to give based upon how we actually see God and understand Him. It really is an exercise of our heart more than it is a test of our obedience. Do we believe that God really functions from abundance and loves funneling that abundance through us…or do we believe he functions from a budget? Giving frees us up to give without restriction. Rather than simply doing our duty to give 10% of our produce and livestock, we are no able to give EVEN MORE! See God’s kids should be known to be the most GENEROUS, LOVING, GRACIOUS, and KIND people, on the face of the planet.  However, is that what people really see?

Here in lies my frustration with going to “church” and dealing with Christianity as a whole. I really love people. I absolutely love seeing people living in freedom. I love seeing they eyes of people light up as truth begins to shatter the coke bottle lenses they had been forced to wear for so long. I love watching people drunkenly come to the reality that they are free from condemnation and shame. Even better as I see people take their chains and burn them, then find another to help them do the same thing. Do I want to see things change? YES! Yet, for the church to change…those who run the churches are going to have to realize that they are no different from any of the other sheep within their congregations. There is only one shepherd. His name is Jesus. The rest of us are HIS sheep. One thing I would not is this…Pastors, Prophets, Apostles, Evangelist, Teacher’s, if you are claiming to be a part of the five-fold ministry team…you are at best a bell-sheep. You will NEVER be the shepherd. There is a story concerning the wayward lamb that becomes the bell sheep. However, being a bell sheep in the way that I am using it requires intimacy and transparency with the shepherd. It is time spent with the shepherd but never forgetting the relationship. Though a bell sheep, you are still a sheep. You are no different than any other sheep of the flock. Never forget that. The playing field is level across the board. We must learn to lead among rather than leading from a position. The mentality of who will be the greatest in the Kingdom is a HUGE problem within the church. We have forgotten the words of Christ. The greatest among you will be the servant of all.

A person I know typically gets mad at me for sharing things like this because they see it as easy to diagnose the problem. They always ask me so what are you going to do about the problem. People perish for lack of knowledge. So the first thing is bring this stuff to the light. Secondly, invest intimately and actually cultivate meaningful relationships that challenge the status quo in the church. Empower people to ask question. Help people find the confidence to challenge norms. Remind people to take the tape off of their mouths. It is time for the conversation to go from a whisper to a passionate plea.

Here is a link to my buddy Nathan's Blog concerning tithing.

 http://www.benotcommon.com/tithingvsgiving.html