Invisible Scripts
I got an email the other day that has really had me thinking
about my life. I decided to take on the challenge and take some time to figure
out the hidden thoughts (invisible scripts) that I have believed most of my
life that have impeded my journey to success. It never ceases to amaze me the
things that can be uncovered as you pursue truth. The beacon of light shines
brilliant as it eradicates a living darkness that tries to hide.
“I don’t have the
skills necessary to get the job done.” – Often I will disqualify myself
before I even start because I read things and think to myself…well the job
requires this and I do not have ANY experience in this field. Sure I am willing
to learn, but often see those requirements as inflexible and rigid. I am a
Kinesiology Major who wants to spend my time making music with very little
knowledge with music other than being a drummer and knowing how to keep rhythm.
I feel like I am often disqualified from things before I am able to give them a
try. Internally this is my biggest fear.
“I feel wrong charging people money for a
service that I can provide for free.” – I was taught that it’s not okay to
charge people for services. That if you can do something, it’s better to give
it for free. People will often times respect you more and will ultimately see your character shine through. I was also raised with the mindset that it is better to give that to
receive. I mean I know I have different skill sets which all are used to equip
people but never felt like people would really pay me for my time so it would
be easier to just give my time away for free to gain rapport.
“I am not the leader
type, who would actually want to follow me.” – I have typically been more
of a behind the scenes guy. I like to stay out of the limelight and just make
things work. As of late I have noticed that people always are looking to me for
direction and it freaks me out because I like to be hidden. I had been told
over and over that I don’t really have what it takes to be a leader, and that I
must learn to follow if I want to be a successful leader. Most of the examples
of great leaders I have seen were all the types of people who had this great charisma
or ability to win a person with words…which is not me. I have felt because I
don’t have the look of a leader then how could I possibly be a leader.
“If I only had the
money…then I could do what I really wanted to.” – For most of my life money
has always been a limiting factor in being able to take risks. I have been
talked out of doing more things because of “wisdom” and “caution”. So I have
grown to have this understanding that if you do not have the money for what you
want to do, it may not actually be a feasible course of action. For example, I
am a drummer. I have been a drummer for the last 20+ years. However, for most
of my life I have not had a drum set to actually do what I need to do to take
this thing to the place I want to go. Because of the lack of resources, I
haven’t been able to pursue my dream in taking more lessons, purchasing a drum
set, playing gigs, just investing in music period. I have figured if I don’t
have the money, it is pretty impossible for me to do what I really want to do.
“I am not really
business oriented; it’s not my strong suit.” – I definitely want to be
wealthy, but doesn't it take a person who has a business like mind to make that
work. I have never been able to readily identify what I have to offer the world
outside of my consultant/counseling skills. I mean I know how to teach things
and what not, but how does that even benefit me making any kind of money.
Because of things like this I feel stuck. I feel like the way I think often is
the obstacle for me becoming successful.
“I don’t think I am capable of doing the task.” – Again I
disqualify myself from being able to do things because of the perception of
things being inflexible and rigid. I have an ability to adapt to my
surroundings, but feel more often than not that I do not have the capability to
accomplish the task set before me.
“I am not as bulky or
big, so it doesn't look like I know what I am talking about health and fitness
wise.” – I have been in a place where people judge based upon appearances
and not necessarily the skills that one carries. I am 5’4 and 115 lbs as a male
athlete. People do not take me seriously because I do not look like a body
builder. I don’t try because I do not feel that people will take me serious
because of my size. I want to be taken seriously because of what I have to
offer and not because of what I look like.
My Thoughts
All of this seems quite horrible, as I sit down and read
what I have written, but I cannot deny that this is what is going on inside of
me. This isn't the politically correct way of thinking, I am quite aware of the
problems that this presents…but the reality of it all is that my life has been
informed by many of these things. My best decisions filtered through these
belief systems. Perspectives informed by crappy ways of thinking. I took some
time to do this as an exercise in becoming more familiar with myself and the
factors that have been hindering my own progress.
I remember years ago that this was a practice that I would
use to identify when I was allowing fear to be the controlling factor in my
life. As I am growing out here in Texas I am finding that these subroutines or
scripts inform more than just what I am aware of. It has gotten to a place
where I am able to hear these things faintly as I am contemplating decisions I
must make. In the past they were quite transparent and hardly visible. Now a
days they are about as subtle as an elephant trying to sneak through a room
with fine china placed neatly on the floor. They make SO much noise. Yet, I
never realized they were the reason I was not moving forward or progressing
towards what had been burning on my heart.
As I walked through all of this I realized that liberation
could only begin to renovate my internal reality, as I gave it the freedom to
illuminate the darkened caverns of my being. Sadly, the thing that always tends
to happen is that the darkness becomes visible and begins to create a stink as
it wants to stay as the dominant power. That becomes the sight of a
battleground of epic proportions as belief systems collide, one being uprooted
and the other being planted. What is planted must be nurtured, watered, given
sunlight, and protected. Simply planting a new belief system offers very little
lasting change if it is not influenced and built up by those who speak life
into it.
These invisible scripts as dangerous as they are, often
carry with them more detailed information that what we understand. Going
through these for myself, I was able to identify relationships, time periods,
and specific incidents where these things were built and fortified…and
ultimately why I bought into them for so long. At times I often would glance
over these details, but now realize that they are important as forgiveness
always needs to take place where hurt and offense has crept in. See the
exercise that I went through was for starting up a business, but I saw in it so
many principles that connect to this one area that it was hard for me not to
begin to play a game of connect the dots. Past experiences inform out present
realities…something being so deep rooted that we are often put into a cycle of
doing certain things without ever realizing that we are stuck in a feedback
loop. It is as I began to pause that I realized crap…I was doing the same thing
over and over
again expecting a different result which Einstein defined as
insanity.
Here starts the transition into areas of freedom in my heart
that I have yet to experience. It has been given to me, but now it’s time to
explore the territory. Never an easy task, but it is one that is worthwhile if
done right. As always, the fork in the road appears a bit sooner than I
expected. Just another decision that needs to be made from a place of courage
and faith rather that fear and anxiety.
So here comes the BOOM…yet again!
