I'm Quitting Christianity....To Follow Jesus

I am glad to be sharing a new entry today. This entry comes from a friend of mine who recently shared his heart with me on life issues. I couldn't wait to share this with you, when I was given permission to publish it. This is His story...His Life Chronicle.
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Time Machine: Back to the Beginning

This blog comes as a breath of fresh air as well as one of my more adventurous endeavors. The last few weeks have been nothing short of breath taking. The things I have encountered, the knowledge gained, and the wisdom imparted to me have kept me in a state of cerebral overload. As I take the time to sit and write, I am recalling one of the important questions that was posed to me during all that has been taking place. The question was this: “If you could go back to when you first became a Christian what would you share with yourself?” At first I felt like I had nothing to offer, but soon began to realize that it was not that I had nothing to offer its that I couldn’t boil down all the thoughts I really had. Spending time with this question I have found a few key things that I would share, teach, show myself. 

 

1. God loves you with no strings attached. – As seemingly in your face this might be, I remember being a kid that struggled through performance based living. Affection, praise, correction, and many other things were predicated on how I performed. Although it was never the intention of people around me to teach me this, I learned at a young age that ones performance dictated the kind of response you could get from the world around you. Perfection was the name of the game. If it wasn’t perfect, it was worthless. Although people’s words were flowery and full of what many would call “good” theology. All it taught me was good behavior is all you need for God. If I could go back to talk with my younger self, I would share in great detail the journey I went on, what I went through, and the most important thing I learned through my journey. My performance never changed how God looked at me. His love for me was just as great when I got my purity ring as it was when I lost my virginity. In His eyes, I was spotless and clean and there was nothing I could do to ever change that. I was considered righteous not because of how I performed but because of what Jesus did for me.

2. God did it for you and didn’t ask for your permission. – I know many people are going to be thinking how could you say that? Simply put. Before I was born…Christ died for me. Before I had the chance to sin or do anything wrong…Jesus died on that cross for me. I didn’t have a choice in the matter. What’s even better…the Lamb of God was slain before the foundation of the Earth. Go fig. Before Adam and Eve…Jesus had already paid the price. He already paid the ransom for us. How that works I do not know. What I do know is that Jesus did it for me before I could tell Him “yes” or “no”. So let me make this abundantly clear, I am not saying that we do not need to RESPOND to Christ because I believe we all have to make that choice. However, from His point of view forgiveness and reconciliation are a done deal and they are gifts that are already extended waiting for pick up. I was made righteous by his actions not my own. This is one of those sovereign God moves that I could not stop. Now don’t get it twisted I am not saying everyone is going to Heaven. However, I am saying that God doesn’t have to choose to forgive anymore since at the Cross that is what echoed across the universe. Being chosen by God means that his disposition towards you will NEVER change. You are chosen, esteemed, valued, and loved. All of that is determined before you could ever do anything or offer anything.

3. Everything centers around and finds its meaning in Christ. – This is another major thing I wish I had of know. One of the lessons I wished would have been modeled for me is what it looks like to daily walk with Jesus in such an intimate way. Being raised in a Pentecostal/Baptist home (my mom operated in a Pentecostal manner and my dad as a Baptist) I never really understood or saw consistently what it looked like to relate to Christ in a normal way. There were traditions and ways we just HAD to do things. Now at 27 I realize there are no formulas with God. The center of life is walking with Jesus. It is knowing Jesus. Not just knowing theology, but knowing the person…the Jewish Man himself. It would honestly take true discipleship which I never experienced. Nothing was made practical or plain. Nothing demonstrated. It was theoretical. I would share that questions are important. Don’t simply settle for “good” theology. There is more to this than just having everything right! Jesus wants you to know Him and He wants to know you. That is the place you will find fulfillment. Words can’t describe it. It is a place you must traverse for yourself.

4. Grace is not a doctrine nor a theology He is a person! – After being stuck in so many cycles and what not I have come to realize I got some pretty shitty advice as I grew up. For the longest time I honestly thought there was a way that you could abuse grace and God would throw you out for it. I have since matured and come to understand that grace just like love comes without conditions. Actually, if you wanna kick a habit, its actually grace that empowers you to do that. Even when you screw up 99 times it will still be grace that keeps you moving forward into the freedom that was purchased for us. Yes, even after willful stupidity grace still empowers us. WHY? God promised to never leave us nor forsake us. Saying that grace would be taken away from us is just like saying Jesus is fed up with us…NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! Jesus is the grace of God that appeared and that continues to teach us to deny ungodliness. Even better…where sin abounds…there JESUS IS ALL THE MORE! Why it is his kindness that leads us to a change of mind or as the old folks would say, leads us to repentance. Grace isn’t a theology. It is a person who is intimately acquainted with our short comings and failures. Yet, he is determined to stick with us to teach us how to overcome all of those things! When we understand who grace is, it becomes impossible to abuse it. Coming in contact with grace begins to change us from the inside out. Which is remarkable!

5. Jesus is your model. Holy Spirit is your guide. The Father is your strength. -This right here is something I am passionate about. All of the other things that I have shared are quite important to me, yet this right here is where my fire starts burning. Being born with a prophetic edge has led to more than one issue with my gifts being abused, misused, misunderstood, or degraded. At 27 I started to understand the importance of Jesus being my model for everything. Not a pastor, not an evangelist, not an apostle, but Christ Himself. Unknowingly I had lived my life in such a way that I was trying to emulate other people rather than Christ. To the point where I would much rather have someone else’ amazing exegesis of a text rather than the simplicity of Christ. I went for natural wisdom rather than the wisdom of God also known as Christ. I subtly had been opposed to Jesus because I was sticking with doctrines and belief systems that actually prevented me from seeing Jesus manifested in the world around me. I was often told to be careful because it isn’t what Jesus would do…or that stuff stopped with the last apostles. I am so glad I was wrong!!! See, I didn’t learn about the person of the Holy Spirit until college. When I finally met Him I was SOOOOO pissed off. Why wasn’t I taught this earlier in my life? I never knew I was supposed to have a guide on the journey. Life drastically changed when I met Him. What I thought was wise became foolish. People started to look at me with strange looks because I would do some off the wall things…only to see amazing transformations happen within others as well as myself. I remember my last semester of college I put Him to the test. I said if you want me to know scripture you are gonna have to teach it to me first hand. I will not open a bible at all because I absolutely know nothing anymore. You teach me from the ground up. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! WHAT AN ADVENTURE! I learned more scripture in the semester than at any point in my life trying to memorize scripture. HOLY CRUD! He was doing things that I had never heard of before. Better yet, it freaked people out because…He began to show me what prophecy, words of knowledge, and words of wisdom were. The gifts were alive and well. Years later, I meet the Father. It was another one of those moments where I was like…THE HECK?!?! WHY DIDN’T ANYONE SHOW ME HIM SOONER??!?!?!? That is where I currently am right. One face to face encounter with the Father changed so much about my life. All I can say is, when you meet Him you will know. You will understand what real strength is. You will throw everything away simply to be with Him.

These are just a few of the things I wish I had of learned when I was introduced to Jesus for the first time. The journey hasn’t been horrible, but there are so many things I could have avoided and so much more peace I could have encountered had I known some of these things. I have no regrets in my life up to this point. Yet, I do know if I had the chance to go back and share these things with myself I would. So many things would be different. The most major lesson would be simply learn to love. Learn to LOVE HARD! Don’t worry if people think you are crazy. SIMPLY LOVE! And watch God do what he does through you!

Growing Pains – Relationships

Part of my journey with God has caused me to take another look at relationships, romance, and intimacy. For the longest time I have been in an interesting place, closed off to romantic relationships, while at the same time deeply desiring to be married. This place of inner conflict has become more pronounced as I have begun to deal with hurts from the past. Conversations with close friends have done much to expose underlying issues where my heart is concerned. As a result I have come to some interesting journey markers that I would like to expand on.

1. Learning to love is messy. – There is no way around this. Our greatest example in life and eternity has shown us that love though super fulfilling, is not exactly the most tidy of things to deal with. Learning to love is a messy business. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same understanding of what love is supposed to look like. We have different love languages, ways we speak appreciation, and ways to say "I'm sorry". There are 6+ billion people on the planet, which means there are 6+ billion ways to learn to speak love, appreciation, and repentance. Beyond this grandiose project of learning how to speak love, but there are also the actions involved in demonstrating love to another person. This is a subject I will not speak much on because well, it would take quite a bit of time to flesh out. Suffice to say, that our actions play a big role in how another person perceives and understands love. Love is one of those things that take work and practice. It isn’t something that one will get a handle on even after 30-40 years. Love ever grows, ever changes, and depending on who you come into contact with, it will take time to learn how to love them in the best way possible. In the process, you can expect things to get a little messy, as you are learning to understand the quirks of another living being. Through the process of learning to love, I wouldn't be surprised if you bumped into grace and patience, as they are needed to survive the journey.


2. Love is risky business. – Sorry guys, as much as I wish love wasn’t hard, I have found that it is tough. When it comes to loving in a manner that can actually change lives and help people grow, love is one of the most risky things that you can do. The heart is a fragile thing, and it is often on the line when dealing with deep levels of love. Whether you are talking about a deep friendship, a possible relationship, or even marriage, one must realize that the thing that is always at stake, is the heart. If not taken care of appropriately, there can be tons of damage done. Friendship requires a level of transparency to be done well, but that transparency is what puts the heart at risk. If talking about a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend), the level of intimacy and transparency must increase, which means the things at stake also increase. If you are talking about marriage then the stakes get increased exponentially. The higher the level of intimacy, the more at risk the heart is. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the heart being at risk. It just means that the self-preservation instinct that many of us have will try to keep our hearts safe rather than letting it be exposed to potential dangers. This is especially true if we have experienced trauma in the past as a result of trying to walk through this area we know as love. Our experiences have unconsciously put triggers within us that begin to fire depending on the potential risk level our heart would be exposed to. It is in dealing with these triggers that we learn what it means to love uninhibited and without condition.


3. Fear is a relationship killer. – This is a touchy issue for me, and one that I get quite passionate about. After sabotaging 3 different relationships in the past, and have some sabotaged by the other party, I can say without a doubt, fear is a relationship killer. Worrying about what other people are going to think, what the future is going to hold, if your family will get along with who you are dating, and other such thoughts, are things that can do much to destroy ANY type of relationship. As one who wants to be prepared for as my scenarios as possible, trying to walk through these things from a place of fear is never a good thing. It is one thing to see red flags and seek counsel on how to deal with such things, however, it is another thing altogether to look at everything as a red flag and seek any reason to call it quits on the relationship. One of the hang ups I dealt with was that I wasn’t sure my friends and family would think the girl I dated was pretty enough. Shallow? Yes, but there was a reason for the shallowness. Earlier experiences in my formative years had taught me to scrutinize these things or otherwise I would be talked about by both friends and family. (I talked about experiences that create unconscious triggers; well this is an example of that.) There are other fears that I have dealt with (annoying habits they had, how they got along with there family, tone of voice, understandings of intimacy, if they wore make up or not...) as well that led to purposefully finding any reason I could to ditch a woman. Hindsight has shown that most of these had been due to triggers that I had not been aware of. If you have an inkling that there might be some emotional triggers that might be sabotaging your relationships, I HIGHLY recommend talking with God about where they came from, and getting rid of them. Perfect love really does cast out all fear.


4. Relationships and walking with God are not mutually exclusive. – I have known some amazing people in my life who have said, “It is better to not be in a relationship if you are trying to grow up in God. A relationship would only detract from the work God is doing.” While at the time the statement sounded spiritual, I have come to believe that it can also be one of the single most devastating statements that can be spoken. Though, the heart intention is to say, its best to stay singular minded in your focus and follow God, it draws a false dichotomy between relationships and walking with God. Statements like this have been used to actually justify the fear of approaching relationships in a healthy manner. While I know that God will at times call people to a time of singleness, I also know that there are times where God will call people to a time of relational growth. In my case, I had to tend to some wounds that were caused by girlfriends, but no one could access my heart, accept someone who was in that role. I had to be healed by the very thing that had caused the damage. I was hurt relationally so I needed to be healed relationally. As I have grown up, I have noted that certain portions of the heart only open up at certain times. If I were to use my mother as an example, the closest male to her (my grandpa) left when she was 12 years old. That scar in her heart, was carried over into her marriage. She acted out as if my father were going to leave her just like her father had. It took the repeated actions of my father PURPOSELY staying and loving her, to help heal my mother’s heart because of the abandonment she suffered so many years prior. If we were to implement the advice of some of the people I know, my mother and father would probably NOT be married for the 35+ years they have been married. I am sure there are many other stories like this, but my point is that one of the killers of growing and healing has been drawing a false dichotomy between walking with God and being in a relationship. This is one of those things that I would personally take on a case by case basis.



5. Honesty begets honesty, the true test of relationship. – This is probably the hardest thing I have learned in the last year. Honesty is hard work. It takes such a level of trust to open up to another that is close to you, to show them what lies within the depths of who you are. Not only are you risking your heart, but at times you are risking the relationship as a whole. “What if they cannot handle what I am about to say? What if they get mad and walk away? What if…” I cannot explain how draining it can be to have to stew over how you are going to share a bit of information with someone that you care so much about. If the relationship is based out of fear, this place of honesty is one that might not be existent. Though one of the toughest things to do, it is also one of the most liberating things in relationship. When you know you can trust the person you are with, sharing anything that is on your heart, well, it’s quite nice. My friend Praying Medic, talked about this idea in his book, My Craziest Adventures with God. He tells the story of how he met his wife. (I do believe this story has applications beyond the scope of marriage.)

“He states, ‘One thing that stands in the way of a successful marriage is a lack of transparency. Out of fear that they’ll suffer rejection, many people hide their past from the person they’re dating. Years later when something from the past comes up(and it always does) the person you thought you knew is no longer the one you’re married to. But by then it’s too late. I knew that if I expected her to quit her job, leave her family and friends, and move across the country to be a permanent part of my life I had to be transparent with her about my past. So one night I told her I needed about two hours of her time, just to listen as I told her about my past. I divulged to her everything a woman would want to know about her potential husband, and I mean everything. My weaknesses, my failures, the things I did wrong in my last marriage, why I had an affair, why I was fired from my last job my fears, my arrest, my financial problems…everything. It was a huge risk, but I figured if she could deal with the junk from my past, she’d have no reason to fear a future with me.'”

I had a similar experience with a friend of mine. I had to be more open about how I felt about her than I actually cared to be. However, I had learned that if I allowed fear to govern my response towards her then there would be no turning back. The relationship would cave in as a whole. (Relationships cannot flourish where there is no trust.)  I am so glad I made that decision to be open about everything. As a result of my honestly with her, she in turn was just as honest. We were able to find some common ground in what we were dealing with while at the same time reaffirming our goal to simply walk with one another through the processes that we were in.

These 5 wonderful things have been the revelation that I have been processing with Jesus for the past few weeks. In order to grow in a given area, you cannot hide from it. You must face it head on. It really doesn’t matter if it is love, identity, grace, God’s goodness, all of it has to be faced without hesitation or hiding. If we are afraid of things often times we will end up missing the answers we so desperately want. Fear is the thing that stands in our way. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me besides quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me…” Friends fear though it seems real, it is only a shadow. When you walk through that shadow you will begin to see the substance of the things you truly have dreamed of and searched for.

Racism and Where I Have Come From

I posted a mini rant from a friend on Facebook today which garnered a lot of attention, which I was not expecting. It wasn’t long before I was smack dab I the middle of a white vs. black perspective debate on racism. From where I was sitting, I could see and understand both viewpoints. Though, at one point I became more interested in the disagreement than the perspectives. At one point this idea was shared:

“Racism = A systematized attempt to subjugate a people group that does not hold privilege.

Prejudice = A judgment of another people group, privileged or not.

Discrimination = Acting on prejudice.

If you are a WHITE male, you are privileged. That does not mean you are rich, it means that you hold certain privileges that black males don’t.”

This might be hard to swallow, but as a black man I find this to be very true. An example of this can be seen with this social experiment.

It sucks to see this in action, but for many black young men, this is the type of double standard that we face day in and day out. I for one have been on the receiving end of some pretty messed up things on account of my skin color.

I want to be very careful not to marginalize or even over emphasize the way in which these things happen, but I cannot speak for every single black male on the face of the planet. What I can say is that in my experience of 28 years, I have seen some things that absolutely blow my mind.

With the recent happenings in Ferguson, I find the media propaganda and certain remarks made by people as an exasperation of an already touchy subject. What’s more is that I find many white men and women ready to zero in and crucify the deceased to put the blame on him for LOOKING like a thug and for being the cause of why the officer felt threatened. People, I am 5’4 115lbs and could cause a cop to feel threatened just because I am black, and believe me it has happened before.

What is it about a black person that causes this suspicion, or the need to walk on eggshells? What causes people to feel like they have to become politically correct? I honestly do not understand? Are the roots of generational discrimination, prejudice, and racism still prevalent in the way that we see people? Are we still stuck in the era of slavery in which black people are less than a full person? Why is it that a black male cannot get the same treatment as a white male? Meaning in our high profile cases why is it that we have more white males making it into police cars to be apprehended than black males? Can someone answer me with this Ferguson case, why people were so quick to mistake Mike Brown and Joda Cain as if to pardon Officer Wilson and absolve him of the incident that occurred? Yet, if the situation had been reversed things would have had a drastically different outcome. I find these things to be quite troubling.

I’ll go so far as to say this though it might seem petty. Why is it that I had to work at 200% capacity as a high school baseball player, to get the same consideration as another athlete of equal skill who was only working at 70% capacity? He plays and starts the whole season, and I sit the bench. The only difference between the two of us, I was black he was white. Note we played international baseball together on the same team, both of us as starters. I had a better work ethic which was known by both the coaching staff and other players.

Before people start cheering or throwing stones at me let me talk about black people real quick as a black person. If the only think that can cause us to come together is unfair treatment and a murder, then we are doing it wrong.

I probably will not be liked for what I am about to say, but that’s nothing new for me. I was born African American, I definitely look the part, but for most of my 28 years of living, I have been referred to as an ‘Oreo’. This is something that I have become rather numb to as I spent so many years in agonizing pain dealing with a crisis of identity because of black people. Now before I continue, I am not saying this about all black people. I haven’t met all black people, however, the ones that I do know, many have at some point made this derogatory remark or something like it towards me.

I lived on the ‘wrong’ side of town, had the ‘wrong’ friends, didn’t talk ‘black’ enough, didn’t dress ‘black’ enough, and made to feel less than most of my peers. I was made fun of and demeaned almost every day. All of this coming not from white people, but from black people. It amazes me as I look back just how much I felt I did not belong to the culture that my phenotype displayed on a daily basis.

I don’t even want to get into the whole music industry and what is being communicated through the airwaves of our secular media, heck; even our TV programming leaves a lot to be desired. But, that is a topic that I will pick up at another time.

I am grateful for church mothers (Nana Walker, Willie Nunley, Mozelle Henderson, Mary Calip, and Mom Gooch) who honestly large reasons I was able to keep my head up while walking through much of the crap I went through at a young age. Mothers, who believed in my potential, and reminded me to keep going, I am also reminded of some of the church fathers that were around (Grover Walker, Bennie Calip, Marcus Johnson, and Willie Nunley) who took the time to establish that there was nothing that I couldn’t accomplish if I put my mind to it. These were men, who taught me not to settle for mediocre, and to go excel in every way. They taught me how to wear a suit, to tie a tie, to enunciate, and communicate with respect.

Most of that was undone by my peers, those I spent ample time with. No matter what great things I was taught, there was this looming reality that was more tangible than the dreams and hopes that an older generation could see in me.

This is where I first realized the deep well of frustration and resentment I carried towards the black community. I felt such a disconnection with being someone who was acceptable to the world around me. See more often than not even though I was black, I wasn’t good enough or black enough. I was talked to differently, belittled, at times to the point where my family as a whole was talked about. I heard things in secret that I was never meant to hear. I grew up eating collard greens, cornbread, ox-tails, chitterlings, black-eyed peas, sweet potato pie…just like my peers…but I was never good enough to be equal in their eyes. For a kid going through elementary school, junior high, and high school, it was rough feeling like I had no cultural identity to be proud of.

So from both sides I was the oreo, the white washed black guy, the guy who didn’t sound black, who didn’t act black, who wasn’t really black because of my eye color. After a while I became numb to it all. However, all that has changed recently. I am haunted by the poor choices of vocabulary that my peers use in reference to me. More so than being haunted…I find myself ANGRY!

I find myself in an interesting position. On the one hand I totally understand what it is like to be discriminated against by white people because of my skin tone. I know what it’s like to be watched like a hawk when going in to a store and having people follow you to make sure you don’t steal anything. I know what it’s like to be talked down to and mistreated because of my skin color. On the other hand, I know what it’s like to be treated as a privileged person. How nothing you can do is right, nothing you can say measures up. Your actions are typically always wrong, and the crap that you get for it. I know what it’s like to get an 80,000 dollar education while having to hear people talk about how you think you are better than them because of x, y, or z. I know what it’s like to have the privilege of being a musician that gets to play in Central Park and Carnegie Hall. I can see how where I was raised and the opportunities I was afforded allowed me to enjoy many privileges that others might not get.


I find that I am afforded an interesting position, a vantage point which allows to see things from two different perspectives. Let me say this blatantly, Racism sucks. Discrimination hurts. Prejudice is not okay. The conversation needs to be brought up. It needs to be addressed. As a friend of mine said it’s about time that we have a Human Rights Movement. People ALL PEOPLE, need to be treated with the same type of care and dignity. Not judged by the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their height, weight, figure, sex...as Martin Luther King Jr. stated, "...but by the content of their character..."

The Battle with Rejection

There are few things in this world that can make me cringe internally, like the topic of rejection. It has been something that has been with me for almost 20 years in varying degrees. It viciously haunted my waking hours as well as my dreams. At some point it became more subtle and vexing often times sabotaging my life when I needed things to occur the most. My relationships, my dreams, my hopes and aspirations, even my education fell victim to this silent but deadly killer. Nothing sucks worse than to be beaten up by a foe you cannot even see or to see your dreams and relationships slip through your fingers like sand. I want to offer a bit of hope and possibly a new perspective for those who deal with rejection.

I have heard it said over and over as I was growing up from Adults, Christians, and even some well-meaning and intentioned friends, that rejection really isn’t that big of a deal.

“One must just get over it and move on.”

“Forget about what others think and do your own thing.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“If you trust God, then other people’s opinions about a subject wouldn’t even matter.”

“Don’t take it personally.”

“It’s their loss.”

“Pray for them.”

“You should go out more and make new friends.”

“Be thankful for the good in your life.”

All of these lovely gems are in my estimation a good attempt at trying to show concern, but some of the crappiest things that we could share with people going through rejection. If any of these things were that easy most people’s lives would look totally different than they do now. All that typically happens is that people either stuff the issues or deal with the symptoms never actually being free of that feeling of rejection that slowly corrodes the everyday lives that people live. Though some of these might have gems of wisdom to take from them, the delivery is rather impersonal and at times very impractical for someone who is walking through the forest of rejection.

My good friend and sister, Anny Donewald, shared this gem with me, “Although it’s true we should pray for them, no one wants to hear that shit when you’re cut and bleeding. The best thing to do when someone is going through that is to simply listen. Most of the time people just want and need to be heard.”

Janelle Evans another great friend offers a complimentary response, “Most of the time things people say aren’t really for you, but to help them avoid having to participate in your lament. Don’t comfort me with dumb phrases, just sit with me and wait for me to get over the sting. Well let me rephrase what I said about ‘avoiding’ participating in your lament. It’s not usually that they don’t care about your feelings; it’s just difficult for them to enter in. You’re in pain, and avoiding pain is a part of our natural self-preservation instinct. When we pick up on another’s pain, instead of entering it head on and sitting in it with our brothers/sisters while they mourn, we often feel a compulsive need to try and ease the
tension/uncomfortableness/awkwardness of the situation. We try to say something…some Band-Aid/quick fix words, which will ease our OWN discomfort with your pain. One thing I learned this year was that the greater the tragedy, the fewer the words which need to be spoken. We simply suffer together, trust that we must endure in the weeping but joy will return. ‘Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.”

After dealing with rejection for so long, I have actually begun to root these things out. Why is it so hard to be done with rejection which erodes the core of who I am? Well, thanks to my sister Anny who came up with the idea of rejection being like giving birth, I have a few solid thoughts concerning dealing with rejection. Any woman knows that giving birth is NOT easy. It is chaotic and at times messy. There are many people involved with giving birth as well. Firstly you have the Doctor/Midwife , usually the father of the child, the Doula, the Labor Nurse, the OB Tech, the Nursery Nurse, and Specialist as directed. If dealing with being reject is like giving birth, then the way that we have handled people who are rejected largely needs to change. One does not tell a pregnant mother to deal with the things she is going through callously. She is given the utmost support and care. The delivery is also done in a sterile environment which is a safe zone.

Knowing all of this I wonder why we are not able to give those who go through rejection the same kind of treatment. It is a tough issue as a whole to go through. One that has far reaching implications of not handled with care. Many are afflicted with the after effects of rejection gone wrong because things were not handled in an appropriate manner. Rejection often gives rise to a ton of nasty side effects and symptoms that are often times unnoticed until too late.

I want to offer some hope for those who realize they deal with rejection and its unsightly symptoms. Rejection is not something that has to rule your life or sabotage your future. The hardest thing is that you will need to acknowledge that you do deal with rejection and the issues it causes. Rather than running away from the issue, one will have to tackle it head on and owning the issue. This is not something that one can let slide. No sugar coating it! Own it! Own the fact that it is causing brokenness in your life. Own the fact that it’s creating a dynamic that you hate. Own the fact that it’s messing with relationships and dreams. That will be the most difficult part in dealing with the issue. Make no excuses for it being there, simply acknowledge its presence. As you are able to do that, it really sets YOU up to expel it from your life. Meaning when you are able to deal with rejection, you will also be dealing with its stupid symptoms as well. Yes, that means YOU as a person have to deal with the issue. It is not something that can be solved without you putting in the effort. You have to face your fears, the lies you have believed, replacing those lies with truths. There really is no place for excuses when dealing with issues like these. They must be tackled head on with RAW, UNCUT, and REAL honesty.

My friend and Author Praying Medic wrote a blog dealing with emotional healing that is a great summation of what I have also experienced. Dealing with rejection isn’t a complicated process; it is one that just needs to dealt with. It is one that may take multiple times dealing with, but ultimately there is always something to be gained as we walk through the process of dealing with the issue as a whole. In addition if you like psychology another article that might be good to look into would be a study in the stages of grief.

If you have any other questions or need to vent or work through some personal rejection issues, feel free to leave a comment.

The Greatness of Individuality

Well its a super chilly day out here on the ranch, and finally I have some time to actually write. Okay, let make a more true statements...I finally have the time and the spark to write. I have had many opportunities before to write, but never had the inspiration or the words to type anything.

I have been in Texas for  23 days now, and what a ride it has been. For the first time in a long while I feel like I am home. This time in Texas has afforded me so many different experiences that I still do not understand how I haven't passed out and died due to the shock of everything.  Many who know me have heard about this move, the stress involved with it, and the overwhelming sense of adventure that has been brewing. Now here, I have yet to be disappointed. I have been recording audio notes so I can compile a better blog at a later date. For now I just want to expand on the things that God has really been teaching me through all of this.

I find it quite interesting that I have come full circle on the whole identity topic...rather a new facet of the topic is unfolding before my very eyes. HAHA...I am getting wrecked by Holy Spirit right now as I am writing this. I pray a blessing over you as you are reading this. Holy Spirit as you have been doing a work in my heart concerning how fearfully and wonderfully I am made I ask that you would take the reader straight into the Fathers heart and begin to speak to that place in them. Let them experience the love of the Father, Son, and yourself. Shaka!!! So as I am living here on this ranch, Dad consistently has been talking to me about how I have been made. We have had so many fights its ridiculous. In 23 days I have spent so many mornings venting to God, cussing God out in my heart, blaming Him for certain circumstances, even at one point out right saying I hate you soooooo much. Yet, even now I cannot escape the depths of how much He loves me and continues to pursue me. He is so good at being who He is. In these 23 days have have been loved in ways I never imagined. I have felt him in ways that simply blow my mind. I have seen Him do things that just make my tear up and weep. Even through all of my temper tantrum throwing, He has faithfully walked me through the rockiest parts of my heart. I love HIM so much.

Part of the frustration that I had been feeling had to do with not feeling like who I am as a person really is worth much. I know the proper "Christian" answer is that I am loved and that I am worth much. Yet, that has not been the reality in which I have been able to perceive things. Man, I have felt pretty damn low if I just may be so bold. Inadequate, that is another word I would have used to describe what I was feeling. Let me be the first to say this...comparisons are fucking stupid. Comparisons are the thing that have robbed me and many others of our sense of individuality and value. WHY??? Because we see someone else and what they are doing and begin to try to emulate what they are doing...never once considering that maybe....just maybe...the way we are doing things is perfectly fine.

THAT IS A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT!

It happens within family units, school systems, the business world...heck...the Church as well. This stuff kills. I have seen peoples spirits get assassinated by one well places or ill placed comparison (just depends on how you are looking at this). I have seen some of the most vile blood shed take place within the psyche of an individual as a result of a comparison. How do I know...well...I lived it. For the longest time I was compared to my older brother. He was the model student. His temperament was excellent, and he was very compliant. At that point in my life...he and I were polar opposites. I loathed and hated the people that made those comparisons...but even more so...I secretly hated him because unconsciously I was losing myself to actually become so much like him. See he was consistently praised, given awards, and told how wonderful he was. Me...not so much. I was starved for those things. To be honest, I think I spent most of my childhood subconsciously looking for his approval so I could go back to being myself (wow, this is revelation for me).

So what do you think that these 23 days has consisted of?

Ding Ding Ding!!!

You guessed it.

Dad has been affirming just how wonderful and unique I am. As I stated earlier I have been fighting with Dad about a lot concerning this because of how battered my heart has been. We have spent close to 5 years on this topic of identity. Never really deviating from it. It has been the single most talked about thing between God and I. Moving to Texas has only heightened the intensity of the talk.

What has been amusing to me is that even though I have been fighting with God on this...I have noticed just how different people I have known for years are starting to look at me. The things they say, the way they talk...it has really changed. At first I thought they had changed and I was getting really frustrated about it. That is until God let me in on a secret. I was the last one to figure it out...I was the one that was changing. People are having a hard time recognizing me because I am becoming the man/son that I was originally intended to be. Which is kinda scary....okay....I almost peed myself when Dad started showing me what was going on.

I was in the office at work yesterday, and I started to read an article posted by my buddy Praying Medic. The article was talking about the journey of a prophetic feeler. As I read...my heart was instantly tenderized. Holy Spirit was already doing some prep work in me. I hit the half way point in the article, which was talking about valuing our gifts and repenting. I then felt electricity shoot through my body. It was so bad that I had to get out of my chair cause every time I felt a surge my chair was vibrating pretty loud. I started repenting for devaluing what God had given me as a gift. I finally realized that the gifts that I have...they really were gifts he delighted in giving me. That revelation had me doubled over and shaking. I felt things being put back and restored. As I continued repenting I saw moments of my life flashing before my eyes and I just apologized for telling Him some of the most hurtful things I had said to Him. I was starting to get that He really did love me. He gave me any of the abilities that I had because it delighted Him and that He wanted them to bless me.

After I left the office I started contemplating how I was wired. It was like a ton of bricks hitting me all at once. I finally got it. How I am wired is wonderful. The things that I love to do, the way I connect to God...its unique to me. No one will ever do it quite the way that I do it. As there are over 6.5 Billion unique people in this world...no one with the same finger print...so it is with the way that I connect to God. So it is with how I operate with Holy Spirit. It really is unique to me. He began to share with me that I no longer need to get offended by people who operate differently than me. Nor do I need to feel like I need to conform because people do not get how I operate. We have the freedom to flow with Holy Spirit on our own journeys. Always encouraging each other to walk with the God-Head the way we were designed to. Sharing wisdom and tidbits to help each other experience God in new ways. The best part was that I no longer have to be offended if people do not have the same revelation I have in certain things. I get to come along side and pray and ask Jesus to show them what he has been showing me in the way that will best impact their heart.

In 23 day something radical has taken place in me.  I realize before I was, God was BOUT THAT LYFE! What's more is that is continues to be BOUT THAT LYFE!

This blog is already more wordy than I had anticipated so I will do a part 2 update on this and expand on my personal frequency...the way I vibrate in the spirit and the way I am wired.

Father I pray right now that you would encounter your children. That you would show them how wonderful they are wired. Show them that you did not make a mistake with them. Bring specific moments into there hearts and minds that will help them remember how awesome you see them. I speak blessing and restoration over broken hearts. Dad, thanks for being SOOOO AWESOME! Jesus you are marvelous!

Monthly Challenge: 
I want to issue 5 challenges.

1. Everyday, take about 5 minutes and find 5-10 different things about yourself that you absolutely love. Take those 5 minutes and encourage yourself while looking in the mirror. 
2. As you go through your day find 1-2 different people and find 1-3 reasons to be thankful for them. This is especially good if it is people that you dislike or have a problem with. Take a piece of paper and jot down your thoughts. Compile them. After about a month select a few people from your list and write a little thank you note for them.
3. Find a way to go out of your comfort zone a 3 times a week to show extreme kindness to someone (they can be 3 different people).
4. In your prayer time with the Father spend 80% of your time in thanksgiving and praise, and the other 20% listening to what the Lord would have to say to you (meaning don't make requests, ask Him questions but make no requests.)
5. This one is a group exercise. Find some friends and every time someone makes a negative comment, that person is to find 3 positive things about whoever or what ever the comment was directed at. 

Stay Tuned for more fun!