Righteous Judges Or.....????

I am kind of curious as to why homosexuality gets more air time in our country than say, the 7 deadly sins? Is it just me or is there some kind of discrepancy in the way that we go about understanding important issues as a “church culture”? Does homosexuality have more deaths associated with it than any of the 7 deadly sins? Does it cause more of a break in relationships than any of the 7 deadly sins? I am not saying this to condemn anyone, I am just curious. Why is it that the church takes a zero tolerance stand on one sin rather than others which are more prevalent? Those in the LGBT community are in a lot of ways barred from taking ministry positions, but I have seldom seen anyone who chronically operates in the “7 deadly sins” told that they cannot pastor a church or lead worship. So far I have counted 11 verses in the bible the deal with homosexuality as a sin, 90+ dealing with pride, 35+ on greed, 80+ on gluttony, 80+ dealing with lust, 40+ dealing with wrath (hate), 60+ concerning envy, and 70+ concerning laziness. There were however about 100+ dealing with sexual immorality as a whole.

Though greed has the lowest numbers of the 7 it is still mentioned 4 times as much as homosexuality as something God dislikes. That should really make someone think about what is important. But really, who wants to have to confront someone about an issue that on some level we all deal with? Wouldn’t that be hypocritical? Who wants to have that tough conversation and really have a heart to heart about 7 vices that are really common to your average Christian? It is much easier to point the finger at someone who is obviously “in sin” than to turn that finger on someone who walks in pride, or is hateful, or lazy, or greedy, or gluttonous, or lustful, or even envious. Heck, we can rationalize the hell out of the “7 deadly sins” but with homosexuality you really can’t.

All sin is detrimental to the person who walks in it. There are obvious consequences for making poor choices. However, it would seem that our current culture seems to want to empower the “7 deadly sins” by trying to crucify those who are a part of the LGBT community. (Not saying that this how it always is, but it is self-righteousness as its best or worst depending on how you look at it.) What is displayed is a type of deflection that happens when we know we are wrong but we want to draw the attention away from ourselves and put it on someone else. This is where I would begin to apply the parable of the speck and the plank that Jesus talked about. Depending on where you go, the culture of the church practices trying pull the speck out of someone else’s eye without first notices they have a large 2x4 in their own eye. Sadly to say, it is a culture of accusation rather than restoration and reconciliation, of which I have been a part for quite some time.

I am learning currently that as I begin to deal with myself, there is really no place to deal with others. Meaning as I am learning where I fall short, it gives me no space to judge another on where they fall short. Those who have been forgiven much love much. There is such a level of compassion that becomes available as we understand just how much we have been forgiven. In my conversations with God I have been told on many occasions that it is not my place to try to change a person’s lifestyle. It is not up to me to try to convict them of whatever they are doing. Simply put, I am not better than Holy Spirit in the convicting business and I need to stop trying to do his job. The task given has always been to love people right where they are, and expose them to the presence of God. NOTHING ELSE! However, having been brought up in a form of zealous Christianity, I was taught to beat people up with scripture, tell them all the things that God hates about what they are doing, talk about how they would not inherit eternal life, and the like. I forgot the simplicity of the kindness of God leading people to repentance. I forgot that love looks like interacting with people based upon what they are worth not what they deserve. The perspective and dynamic changes when you begin to see a person’s worth from God’s eyes, versus what they deserve because of their behavior. Said another way, when you realize that you don’t deserve anything that you have and that it is all a gift, it becomes a bit easier to interact with those who by Christian standards don’t deserve anything at all.

As I write this, I can feel many scathing rebukes. People want to hold on to their opinions and perspectives more than they want to listen and understand. Their version of righteousness requires certain moral behavior that at its root stems from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Whereas the gift Jesus gave was His righteousness that stems from the tree of life. I can understand how this might seem like I am condoning sin, but really I am hoping to bring into the light that, if we are going to focus on calling sin out in people’s lives, it is best to use the same measure on ourselves before going after the “sinners”. But then again, even that very act is rooted in us acting as judge, which is what transpired when we partook of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I know this might sound a bit extreme, but if homosexuality is going to garner such attention then we might as well start doing the same thing to ALL those who fall short in these other areas (the 7 deadly sins). Yet, the reality is if we were to do this, there would be many a church that would need to close its doors.

A bigger issue begins to arise when we choose to make judgments that we are not qualified to make against people we are called to love. Many, including myself, have made it a habit to judge people based upon personal standards we carry and interpretations we have on various scriptures from the bible. Growing up, my parents used to tell me and my older brother drinking alcohol was a sin that would lead us to hell. At 28, I think that is absolute rubbish and nowhere in scripture will that story be corroborated. However, it is still a conviction of my parents that drinking is a bad idea. Thankfully, my parents have grown up enough to realize that it is not a sin, nor will it condemn a person to hell. They have had to let go of a place of judgment that they held onto because of past experiences. Judging people based upon a faulty understanding of morality, ethics, and righteousness does not help people grow together. Ultimately these types of judgments end up pushing our fellow man away from us under the guise of being moral and right. This was never the intention of God for humanity.

I remember reading a scripture that says, “…love covers a multitude of sin.” I know this might be out there for a lot of people who have been sin hunters for most of their days, but what would happen if we stopped bashing people for their sin and actually do what this verse says? I mean Jesus did take care of our sin problem by taking them to the cross. Jesus has never once called us by our sin, so why is it that we continue to stand as accusers calling those who fall short by their sin? Does that make since?

I am well aware than many will have missed the whole point of this blog because they will have read some parts that conflict with their theology. Honestly, that is okay. It isn’t something I am worried about. But, my heart is this, how long will we continue to live off of the fruit that condemned us to death and when will be start eating from the tree that was meant to sustain and bring us life? When will we take Jesus seriously and love one another based upon our worth rather than what we deserve. We cannot afford to sit in a seat of judgment, because we become unjust judges. We are not qualified for that position. However, we have been qualified to love. I think it is time to take our rightful spot.

Again, I would like to stress that I am not condoning sin in the least. Nor do I think homosexuality is a lifestyle that should be led. However, I also think lust, envy, greed, pride, and the like are equally as bad. They all belong together in the same category known as sin. All sin has the same remedy and solution. It is Christ crucified. Justice and Judgment for ALL SIN!

God Is Good: Stop Blaming Him for Things People Screw Up

It is interesting to go to church and actually have Jesus meet you there. The fact that he was elated to see me also floored me.  I have been so pissed off at Jesus for last few months because of some issues that have been plaguing my heart. I have been blaming God for some majorly awesome things that have gotten ruined because of human stupidity. Please bear in mind, that I do not subscribe to the idea of God’s Sovereignty in the way that many describe it as being. I do not believe that God has created us and the world as miniature puppets that he micromanages. When he gave us free will, I truly believe that it was given to us in totality, meaning that we have the ability to screw up the great opportunities that God will place in front of us. I believe that he always has our good in mind and orchestrates wonderful things for us ALL the time, not just some of the time. And I believe that I should expect great things from Him because He has always proved faithful in that area; which brings me to a few statements that are going to be hard for some to hear. First being, what God has for you is for you, and you can royally screw it up because of stupidity. Second being, if we are devastated by the things that don’t work out the way we thought they should have, maybe we should consider if we have put our faith in something OTHER than Jesus. Lastly, God is not to blame when others choose to act foolishly and we get hurt in the process. God gave us all the ability to choose…EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. God is not to blame for tragedies that happen, or situations that get out of hand.

I will be the first to admit, God was the first person I blamed after getting fired from the job that he told me he was giving me. Simply put, things didn’t work out the way I had anticipated. I have NEVER EVER been fired from a job, so this felt absolutely shitty. Not to mention for some odd reason I felt as if the conditions for which I was fired were a breach of my ‘contract’ with the whole God being good thing. I put contract in quotes because I realize that is a major place of stinky thinking that has really been a huge factor in this whole ordeal. Nevertheless, I was absolutely pissed off. My fault, God’s fault, or their fault, I had gotten hurt massively. There were many thoughtless accusations thrown out but not as devastating as being accused of sleeping with one of the kids I was taking care of. In my bitter hurt, I blamed God for being the sole cause of the wrong I suffered. It has taken a few months, but after talking with one of my closest friends, I realized that God had become my scapegoat for my pain, not because He did anything wrong, but because we tend to lash out at those closest to us, blaming them for things that they never did. I had no one to lash out against because of the hurt. I sunk into a deep pit of depression and God well he was the asshole that I never wanted to talk to again. I mean how could he do that to me. Take me all the way to Texas just to allow this to happen? Was he trying to teach me something…? If so…that’s all kinds of abusive. Gone were the ideas of God’s goodness. They had been replaced with the idea that God was an abusive Father.  Even though I could definitely talk about how God was good all the time and had a theology centered on such a thing…my heart had been seared, Jesus was an asshole that I wanted nothing to do with. Why you ask? Because he let something so devastating happen to his kid.

Let me just put this out there; I do not think Jesus is an asshole, that was my hurt speaking. That was pain speaking that had no answers. I booked a trip to Oregon to visit my best friend. I knew the trip was going to be an awesome get away something that I needed, but something that I could bless her with as well. The Sunday right before Memorial Day, we got into a conversation about our hurts really beginning to sort out some major frustrations. In the middle of our talk, we both realized as if coming out of a foggy haze that God did not control the stupidity of those we are in relationship with. He doesn’t make their decisions for them. He always brings awesome opportunities to bless his kids; what they do with those blessings really is up to them. As I stated at the beginning of the blog, people have the ability to screw up the blessings that are brought into their lives because of stupidity. When that happens, it isn’t God’s will OR God’s fault. God is not abusive nor is he an asshole who wants to set his children up for failure. Yet, that is what religion subtly feeds us. If things do not happen the way in which perceive they should or something erratic happens, then the outcome was obviously God’s will, and we should not get upset or try to rectify the situation.

 I call BULLSHIT! I find this to be especially true when it comes to things involving interpersonal relationships. God isn’t playing a cosmic game of chess against himself, so I cannot sit here and believe that he is controlling someone else’ response to me or to a situation that involves me. I cannot sit here and believe that when God blesses us there are always strings attached.  I don’t think that when God invited me out to Texas saying that He had a job already waiting out there for me, that he was secretly thinking, “Alright guys, how can we royally screw Cordell over? How can we get his hopes up and then watch them crumble? I wonder….” I am pretty sure when He invited me out there; he was looking at the best possible scenario. One that factored in my growth in knowing him, in learning to love people, and causing my hope to continue to grow. I am not going to sit here and think that this was the BEST possible scenario, or what He had in mind for me when I went out there. I do think that because of the way things have turned out, he has been ever influential in working all things together for my good.

See, I am starting to realize that I got screwed over by PEOPLE not by God. See God never once slandered me, called me out of my name, picked on me, or lied to me. Actually in pretty much all circumstances He was the only one to give me a heads up as to what was going on behind the scenes. In fact it was Him that was always calming me down when I was frustrated with the treatment of other staff and kids that I was seeing. He was ever present, presenting strategies and ideas on how to love people even better. I do not like playing the blame game; however, I want to paint this picture as best as I can. The fact of the matter is that God was not at fault in any of this. I personally was only in control of how I responded to things. My getting fired was OUT of my control and it was the decision of others. See, my employers, at one point saw me as a blessing. Sadly, they did not understand how to treat the blessing that they had received. They made poor decisions which directly impacted me. But, that is what happens when you are in relationship with other people. God can hit you with a perfect setup pass, and the shot taken can be epically missed. This happens more often than we care to realize. Relationships are two way streets that can be messed up by either party even when you have Jesus at the center. Even when Jesus is trying to set up lovers, the lovers can screw up big time. I think it’s high time that I take Jesus off the hook. He always sets things up awesomely. It is not His fault if I fail to take the shot he set up for me, or if I miss the shot, or if the other person gets the pass and decides to let it go to the other team. I think it’s time to start taking responsibility for the things that we are capable of doing.

No it is not God’s will for people to be hurt, sick, frustrated, and miserable or anything like that. That is my stance. He has made all provision for us to be successful with what we have. However, choosing to be responsible for the things given to us is something altogether different. Many would like to sit around and point the finger, blame God, and the like, but is it really God’s fault? The conclusion of the matter is this for me. My previous employers made a stupid decision in getting rid of me. If they only could have realized what they had, but it is too late now. Now someone else is going to benefit greatly from my expertise and knowledge. They let go of something amazing that God had sent to them. Ah well, their loss not mine. I have better things in front of me. No looking back.

I leave you with this…what are you still blaming God for? Is it time for you stop blaming Him? Is it time for you to own your responsibility? Is it time for you to maybe give God a fair chance? Maybe you will find out that he is a lot more AWESOME than you ever realized. Maybe you will find out that he isn’t anything like what people have made Him out to be. Maybe you will find the freedom to ask the questions that people are afraid to ask. My hope is that you find the strength to pick yourself up and continue moving forward.

Let's Talk Porn Pt. 2

After getting such great feedback from PART 1 of the blog, I decided to set out sometime to dive into Part 2, which really is just my own journey through dealing with porn and why I have such a vendetta against the industry.

It is always a bit unnerving sharing this part of my life with people because of the stigma that is attached to the whole idea of pornography, given by the church. See I got my start into pornography...rather viewing porn when I was 13 years old. Back in 1999. I remember it clearly. I walked into one of the bathrooms of my junior high and mistakenly caught a classmate masturbating to a dirty magazine. He thought I was going to rat him out so he gave me the magazine, so as to make me his accomplice. That one moment...changed my life...

In a time where internet filters were no where to be found, and 56k dial-up modems were the norm...I found myself on the computer at all hours of the day and or night depending on if my parents were at home or going to be home...searching all types of crazy shit. Most of the time I was too afraid to actually search porn, so I would search for adult like content that could achieve the same gratification that a hardcore porn site or magazine would offer me. See my descent into pornography was actually very gradual. Up until I was about 15 I wasn't very intrigued by naked women. The reason...one word...PUBERTY. At 15 a massive transformation dramatically occurred. I discovered my sex drive...unfortunately...it had an appetite that I could not control or manage.

Before I realized it. The girls around me started dressing differently. I saw more skin than I could handle. The dancing changed from being silly to being provocative and seductive. What's more DSL become available at home. We finally had an upgraded internet connection. Then throw on top that I was dealing with MAJOR DEPRESSION. All of these factors spelled my doom from my high school years. See for me, high school was the most miserable time of my life. I wasn't like my peers. I was a wanderer...the lone wolf...the outcast. Well, I was wanted around for certain purposes (being the kid that has a ton of rather odd skills pays off at times I guess). The cure for the hurt...you guessed it...porn. I wouldn't be made fun of for my height or other more personal things. Even as I write this...I feel a special seething hatred towards certain individuals on my 2004 high school baseball team for the nickname they gave me (...Nipples...). All year that is what I was called and how they addressed me at practice. Ya...what did I do...I would go home...and look at porn to relieve my hurting heart.

See for me the reality was I had something on my hands that would almost instantly take the pain of my heart away...or so I thought. High school was rough for another reason...CHURCH. Adults really do not know how much damage they do to teenagers without realizing it. See sometimes I think church folk are the worst. I got to hear how they dogged my peers who had sex outside of wedlock. I got to see how they were demonized. I got to hear how people were punished and taken out of the things that were bringing them out of a place of guilt and shame. It is about that time that I decided that I would NEVER EVER share what I was dealing with. I never wanted to be shamed and talked about like that. Yet, that is also when I got another label within my youth group...(Mr. Super Spiritual...).

My senior year of high school is when I started to notice how addictive porn was. I decided it was time that I stopped. OH HOW I TRIED. I was looking for solutions EVERYWHERE. I was out of options because I couldn't talk to my parents...they would freak out. I couldn't talk to people at the church I had already seen how they treated others...I knew what fate would befall me if I said anything. I couldn't talk to my teachers because they would get my parents involved. My friends were of no use...well because I didn't really have any. I never had felt despair like that...even after all of the years of depression...this was something unique. Couple that on the fact that I was lying while I was going through these purity classes that we had at our church...I felt dirty...I felt like the scum of the earth.

I would spend the next 8 years in a constant state of struggle and war with an addiction. Ultimately, I would lose my virginity because of this war.

 All of college was a pain in the ass. Why? Well...I went to a Christian institution. Porn was like the cardinal sin at the time. Mind you, I had no understanding of grace. I thought being a christian was all about performance. So you had to maintain an exterior of excellence and piety. Well, while trying to do that...I saw one of my favorite professors sent to jail because of porn. It was the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I had ever seen anything like that. It shook me to the core. Again I made a silent vow to NEVER EVER share whats going on in the depths of my heart. Up to this point I had never seen anyone beat porn. I had seen it devastate lives and I thought mine was about to be totally broken.

I remember driving on my way back to the university with tears in my eyes..."God will I ever be free? Am I doomed to be trapped for the rest of my life...feeling this...this black spot of shame and guilt?" In a clear moment God responded as lightning and said, "NO!"

I have held on to that to this day. A promise from a loving Dad to a son who wants nothing more than to be the shining example of purity and redemption. I sit and I write. I reflect on where I have been. I meditate on where God has brought me from. Closer today than I was yesterday. More free than I have ever been in my life. At a place in my life where I can openly admit the struggle and the fight I have been in since I was 18 and decided I didn't want this for my life. I am now 27 wanting to settle down, and establish a family in the near future. I have heard it so many times said, that if you are dealing with porn, you are not fit to start a family. I have believed that for such a long time....

BUT....

I now am in a place to say...FUCK THAT!!!!

I will not let my past define me. I will not let the challenges set me back! I am who God says I am. I AM VICTORIOUS! I AM FORGIVEN! I AM HEALED!

As I spend time with God, I realize the issue is no longer about porn. It is simply about understanding the righteousness He has given me and learning how to operate in it. For so long I have been operating out of the wrong operating system and it has been screwing everything. He redefined my operating system and I see more victories than I do failures. I live in more freedom than I have even known in my life. For that I am extremely grateful.

Remember that vendetta I was talking about?

Yes I want to absolutely obliterate this thing from the face of the universe.

Why?

Men and women I love have been victims of this industry.
Those I love and care about have been kidnapped and forced into the industry.
Some I know personally have been rescued from the industry.

The scars that it has left these people with...can never really be accurately described.

Even more so...I never want my children to have to suffer the way I have suffered, and the way I have caused others to suffer because of this industry and its lure.

I don't want to have to see my nephews go through the pain, the shame, the disgrace, the guilt that I had to go through. They deserve better than that.

Yet, for those who are struggling...who feel trapped...who have no one to talk to...who want to be free...I will always have a soft spot for them. Because...I know as a young man what it feels like to have your hope, joy, passion, and freedom stripped from you.

I think of those who are my little brothers in the faith, who have confided in me. The weight of the pain they carry.

THIS MUST STOP!

And I say it STARTS with ME!