The Toxic Mix of Slander and Gossip

Some days you just need to get to a coffee shop to watch videos on You Tube to get the creative juices flowing and to calm your mood. That is where I am right now, away from my stress to actually figure a few things out finally. Inspirational videos of great artist, vocalist, and other musicians typically are a great cure for what ails me. Now that I am in better spirits I can probably synthesize my frustration a bit more accurately.

Recently I posted a video that contained something that Victoria Osteen had stated. I believe quite emphatically that she could have made her statement more clearly and to the point so as to be understood better, but even so, what she said resonated and rung true to me. I have been privilege to read a few things by Joel Osteen that have helped me out of a cycle of stinky thinking. As result, I have morphed from being a hater, to someone who respects Joel. However, another important factor in my choice to stand up for Joel and Victoria has to do with the understanding I now have concerning the idea of slander and gossip.

It is one thing to disagree with someone based upon an understanding that we carry. It is proper to express perceived differences to come to an understanding, even going as far as exchanging ideas to help cause illumination to happen for an individual. Constructive conversations and even intense disagreements are perfectly fine and acceptable. Where the line gets crossed is when the he said she said stuff starts to come out. This is also known as gossip, which is simply second hand information that doesn’t come from any of the parties being talked about. Another line that gets crossed often which in my estimation is more deadly than gossip is slander. People think that it is okay to talk negatively about a person they do not know. At times super-imposing ideas based upon biases that they carry, or gossip that they have heard. None of it can really be verified by the accused parties since it is typically carried out behind the backs of those who are being slandered.

Both gossip and slander are things that are weapons of mass destruction that at times can cause irreparable damage to those that it is used against. Gossip and slander, are not like nuclear weapons that can totally incinerate you within a matter of moments. They are like super toxic poisons that corrode from the inside out. Just the smallest bit of these poisons can cause more damage that one could anticipate. These poisons are deadly because they are spread quite easily and are highly contagious. The American culture is a like a petri dish that is primed for the incubation of said poisons. Very few people are fully immune to the effects of slander and gossip or becoming carriers who infect others with its deadly contamination. Yet, the most harm that comes from gossip and slander actually occurs in the carriers and spreaders of the poison, not the people who are the target of the slander or gossip. It is ironic, gossip and slander, much like un-forgiveness and bitterness, affect the host more than it will affect the target of the poison.

People do not understand that gossip and slander erode who we are as people at the core. We start manifesting things we never thought possible, and most of the time it goes under the radar and un-diagnosed for years at a time. By the time these things become apparent, habits, thought processes, biases, and prejudices have begun to solidify, making it quite difficult to uproot or administer a cure. The sad part about the whole situation is that it causes people to become delusional, suspicious, zealous, combative, and have problems understanding. People become passionate defenders of what they perceive as truth, to the point that their eye sight to see a different perspective becomes severely hindered. People who have opposing viewpoints are no longer seen as family, friends, or brothers in arms. They become antagonist, enemies, and people to be subdued (or brought into the truth). The us versus them mentality becomes clear to see to those on the outside, but to those who are in the thick of things they often times to do not realize that this approach is the root cause of violent conflict (be it spiritual or physical…more on this in a future blog).

I want to offer the response I gave in response to some who were slandering Victoria Osteen’s comments.

               This is the comment that prompted my response:

So defiling the gospel is okay? When you twist scripture (like Satan did), its cool? That's what I got out of that one. What you said was true about the men God elected and called, but they repented of what they did. So Joel repents after ever service of how far he preaches from the truth? Theological understanding in America is so pathetic....

I will only address one thing that has been said here. People are so freaking enamored with false teachers and false doctrine and all the other false things, that most of the time when truth hits them in the face they don't know how to recognize it simply because they have been paying attention to the fakes for so long.

That much being said, I personally think that it would simply be better to let fakes run their mouths and do all the smoke and mirrors stuff they do, than to spend all our energy worrying about who is fake and who is not. Ultimately Paul summed up the gospel rather easily. It is not in mere words but in the demonstration of power. It bears fruit (love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, joy, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). It is summed up in Love. Jesus said something very interesting, "They will know that you are my disciples by your LOVE." Not by how well you understand doctrine, having perfect theology, saying the right things, quoting the right scriptures, the way your worship music sounds, how much you fast, how loud pray...He said simply by your love...Funny, these are all things I HAVE heard Joel talk about and preach MANY times.

People are so wrapped up on this whole "prosperity Gospel" thing that they have forgotten that it’s because of the Gospel that we can enjoy REAL prosperity. I mean I am pretty sure the same guy that I mentioned...David penned, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." That is something that we eventually did see in the life of David. David desired for a house of worship to the Lord be built...guess what...IT WAS BUILT by his son Solomon. Jesus said, "Ask anything in my name and it will be given to you..." He also said, "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open to you..." The funny thing is...most of us try to rationalize what Jesus said, but He also made a very important statement that many of us forget..."let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." You have talked about theology, but I am pretty sure Jesus meant what he said. Maybe just maybe this is so far of our Western Civilized grid, because Jesus made it THAT EASY. He made it SO EASY it’s HARD.

See, I find it even more intriguing that within the pages of the bible, you find that our main characters received such grace from God even in the midst of their short comings and hang ups. But if they had lived today...most would hear the same chanting that Jesus heard, "Crucify Him, Crucify Him." We play so civilized but we are just as blood thirsty as the crowd that wanted to kill Jesus. The only difference being we do so subtly. We would rather assassinate a person’s character and disqualify them from "ministry" than to see them "lead someone astray", when in fact I can only imagine the kind of fall out that happened when David took that census and caused countless people to lose their lives. I wonder if the people wanted to have him dethroned...but you see in scripture he kept his position. Yet, if Joel Osteen doesn't preach enough about sin, we want him OUT. He is a FALSE TEACHER a FALSE PROPHET. Give me a break. This is pitiful guy, just pitiful.

I mean really, Jesus had a great idea that I think is brilliant. Ever read the parable of the wheat and the tares. That sums up my feeling of how to deal with those who are "wolves in sheep's clothing" and those who are "called of God". Let them grow together. After a given time it will be seen what they are. Once fully matured then deal with them as needed. Notice, the servants in said parable were given specific instructions NOT to deal with the tares until the proper time. Who among us know when that perfect timing is? Ya, I didn't think so. We do more damage fighting this battle trying to pluck things out of the soil than we do by letting things grow to seen for what they truly are. It is rather SHORT sided and immature honestly.

Yes, I am saying exactly what you think I am saying. Let those who preach a false gospel continue to preach. Given a proper amount of time it will reveal itself for what it is. Meanwhile, that does put more responsibility on the average person to take the time to become familiar with God rather than use the cookie cutter model of Christianity...or as I refer to it..."Churchianity". It will NEVER fall on to a leader to make you more mature in your walk with Christ. That is the Holy Spirit's job. Every teacher of the Gospel or Pseudo teacher of the Gospel will have to give an account for what they have spoken and taught. God will deal with them how he needs to deal with them. However, it really just isn't beneficial to sit her and hurl slanderous arrows at a person just because we do not get where they are coming from, or they are violating our understanding of scripture. Honestly, that is just arrogant on many accounts.

Do I think Joel and his wife Victoria are perfect? No.

Do I think that they have a lot to learn about delivering things? You bet.

Am I willing to call them false teachers or false prophets? No, not at all.

Am I willing to be mature enough to eat the meat and spit out the bones? Yep, but that is something I do with a lot of "bible" teachers. Yes, this includes but is not limited to...MacArthur, Driscoll, Bell, Piper, Wright, Edwards, Nee, Murray, Prince, Meyer, White, Hinn, Wommack, Johnson, Vallotton, Silk, Cooke...just to name a few.

All of these men and women, have blessed me tremendously, but have also caused a bit of frustration. Are they false teachers? NO. Are they false prophets? NO. They all have perspectives that differ from each other, yet line up with scripture. Imagine that. We have some who are Trinitarian in there theology, and some who are not. We have some who are Calvinists and others who are not. Charismatic, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, Non-Denominational...I mean who freaking cares which label they are. Do they love Jesus? Are they walking with him? Are they on a journey? Okay then let us move right along because they are no different than you or I.

I have made major errors, yet none of those who know me would ever dream of calling me a false teacher or prophet. Everyone who has posted on this thread has done the same things. There are no crazy accusations being hurled at you guys for what you have taught or believed at one point...so why the heck are we sitting in the seat of judgment over them when we know it would be HYPOCRITICAL to do, since we have made errors in speaking, thinking, and critiquing? We have all had to learn and grow given time and mistakes.

Theological understanding in America isn't pathetic, however, people would rather their theology over relationship with the one who has perfect theology and is committed to helping people journey into said theology. People don't want to get messy, to make mistakes; to have a functional theology that actually WORKS outside of their little bubbles. The study of God will always pale in comparison to actually knowing and walking WITH HIM. Study is not synonymous with knowing. Funny thing is you can study someone without knowing them, but you cannot know this without continually being with them and studying them. Knowing about someone is definitely different than actually knowing said person. That is where Western Christianity misses the mark. Not all of Western Christianity, I wouldn't want to overgeneralize and marginalize the people who actually spend their time KNOWING God rather than knowing about God.

In my opinion, no matter how you slice this, whether you dislike Joel and Victoria, it does no one any good to sit here and complain about how horrible they are. What is it going to change? It is a bad idea to grumble and complain about someone you disagree with that God has put his stamp of approval on. Why not simply ask God for understanding in places that rub you the wrong way? Just saying, he doesn't carry our biases. So my vote is to simply wait until God makes a distinctive judgment on this issue whether wheat or tare.

Again, the topic of slander and gossip are things that I take with utmost seriousness. I have seen too many people hurt from deciding to slander and gossip about others, as well as the fall out of broken relationships of those who have been slandered and gossiped against. It isn’t a pretty sight. There are areas that we need to get in check otherwise the church will continue to look foolish and like a non-option to the world around it. It is not a great idea to kill those you call your own or carry the same label “Christian” as you. In this way, there is still not much of a distinction between those who say they follow Jesus and those who don’t. We have to get to the stuff that is underneath the hood rather than looking to fix cosmetic issues. There are deeper issues to be dealt with if Christians as a whole in North America want to be taken seriously by those in our own neighborhoods as well as across the world. It is kind of depressing to hear that in various places in the world Christians are praying not to turn out like American Christians.

Just some food for thought.

Let's Talk Porn Pt. 2

After getting such great feedback from PART 1 of the blog, I decided to set out sometime to dive into Part 2, which really is just my own journey through dealing with porn and why I have such a vendetta against the industry.

It is always a bit unnerving sharing this part of my life with people because of the stigma that is attached to the whole idea of pornography, given by the church. See I got my start into pornography...rather viewing porn when I was 13 years old. Back in 1999. I remember it clearly. I walked into one of the bathrooms of my junior high and mistakenly caught a classmate masturbating to a dirty magazine. He thought I was going to rat him out so he gave me the magazine, so as to make me his accomplice. That one moment...changed my life...

In a time where internet filters were no where to be found, and 56k dial-up modems were the norm...I found myself on the computer at all hours of the day and or night depending on if my parents were at home or going to be home...searching all types of crazy shit. Most of the time I was too afraid to actually search porn, so I would search for adult like content that could achieve the same gratification that a hardcore porn site or magazine would offer me. See my descent into pornography was actually very gradual. Up until I was about 15 I wasn't very intrigued by naked women. The reason...one word...PUBERTY. At 15 a massive transformation dramatically occurred. I discovered my sex drive...unfortunately...it had an appetite that I could not control or manage.

Before I realized it. The girls around me started dressing differently. I saw more skin than I could handle. The dancing changed from being silly to being provocative and seductive. What's more DSL become available at home. We finally had an upgraded internet connection. Then throw on top that I was dealing with MAJOR DEPRESSION. All of these factors spelled my doom from my high school years. See for me, high school was the most miserable time of my life. I wasn't like my peers. I was a wanderer...the lone wolf...the outcast. Well, I was wanted around for certain purposes (being the kid that has a ton of rather odd skills pays off at times I guess). The cure for the hurt...you guessed it...porn. I wouldn't be made fun of for my height or other more personal things. Even as I write this...I feel a special seething hatred towards certain individuals on my 2004 high school baseball team for the nickname they gave me (...Nipples...). All year that is what I was called and how they addressed me at practice. Ya...what did I do...I would go home...and look at porn to relieve my hurting heart.

See for me the reality was I had something on my hands that would almost instantly take the pain of my heart away...or so I thought. High school was rough for another reason...CHURCH. Adults really do not know how much damage they do to teenagers without realizing it. See sometimes I think church folk are the worst. I got to hear how they dogged my peers who had sex outside of wedlock. I got to see how they were demonized. I got to hear how people were punished and taken out of the things that were bringing them out of a place of guilt and shame. It is about that time that I decided that I would NEVER EVER share what I was dealing with. I never wanted to be shamed and talked about like that. Yet, that is also when I got another label within my youth group...(Mr. Super Spiritual...).

My senior year of high school is when I started to notice how addictive porn was. I decided it was time that I stopped. OH HOW I TRIED. I was looking for solutions EVERYWHERE. I was out of options because I couldn't talk to my parents...they would freak out. I couldn't talk to people at the church I had already seen how they treated others...I knew what fate would befall me if I said anything. I couldn't talk to my teachers because they would get my parents involved. My friends were of no use...well because I didn't really have any. I never had felt despair like that...even after all of the years of depression...this was something unique. Couple that on the fact that I was lying while I was going through these purity classes that we had at our church...I felt dirty...I felt like the scum of the earth.

I would spend the next 8 years in a constant state of struggle and war with an addiction. Ultimately, I would lose my virginity because of this war.

 All of college was a pain in the ass. Why? Well...I went to a Christian institution. Porn was like the cardinal sin at the time. Mind you, I had no understanding of grace. I thought being a christian was all about performance. So you had to maintain an exterior of excellence and piety. Well, while trying to do that...I saw one of my favorite professors sent to jail because of porn. It was the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I had ever seen anything like that. It shook me to the core. Again I made a silent vow to NEVER EVER share whats going on in the depths of my heart. Up to this point I had never seen anyone beat porn. I had seen it devastate lives and I thought mine was about to be totally broken.

I remember driving on my way back to the university with tears in my eyes..."God will I ever be free? Am I doomed to be trapped for the rest of my life...feeling this...this black spot of shame and guilt?" In a clear moment God responded as lightning and said, "NO!"

I have held on to that to this day. A promise from a loving Dad to a son who wants nothing more than to be the shining example of purity and redemption. I sit and I write. I reflect on where I have been. I meditate on where God has brought me from. Closer today than I was yesterday. More free than I have ever been in my life. At a place in my life where I can openly admit the struggle and the fight I have been in since I was 18 and decided I didn't want this for my life. I am now 27 wanting to settle down, and establish a family in the near future. I have heard it so many times said, that if you are dealing with porn, you are not fit to start a family. I have believed that for such a long time....

BUT....

I now am in a place to say...FUCK THAT!!!!

I will not let my past define me. I will not let the challenges set me back! I am who God says I am. I AM VICTORIOUS! I AM FORGIVEN! I AM HEALED!

As I spend time with God, I realize the issue is no longer about porn. It is simply about understanding the righteousness He has given me and learning how to operate in it. For so long I have been operating out of the wrong operating system and it has been screwing everything. He redefined my operating system and I see more victories than I do failures. I live in more freedom than I have even known in my life. For that I am extremely grateful.

Remember that vendetta I was talking about?

Yes I want to absolutely obliterate this thing from the face of the universe.

Why?

Men and women I love have been victims of this industry.
Those I love and care about have been kidnapped and forced into the industry.
Some I know personally have been rescued from the industry.

The scars that it has left these people with...can never really be accurately described.

Even more so...I never want my children to have to suffer the way I have suffered, and the way I have caused others to suffer because of this industry and its lure.

I don't want to have to see my nephews go through the pain, the shame, the disgrace, the guilt that I had to go through. They deserve better than that.

Yet, for those who are struggling...who feel trapped...who have no one to talk to...who want to be free...I will always have a soft spot for them. Because...I know as a young man what it feels like to have your hope, joy, passion, and freedom stripped from you.

I think of those who are my little brothers in the faith, who have confided in me. The weight of the pain they carry.

THIS MUST STOP!

And I say it STARTS with ME!

Let's Talk Porn Pt. 1

Lately, I have been quite busy on the thinking front. Some major life issues have been brought to my attention. I thought I would spend sometime processing my thoughts in a way that would not only benefit myself, but also the world around me. So I decided to dedicate my next few (probably 4 or 5) posts to the topic of pornography. Fortunately, I won't be talking about pornography much in this first blog. I will be spending my time on the entertainment world and many of the things I see happening that help fuel this multi-billion dollar industry.

All you have to do these days is get on google and search the images for your favorite actors and actresses to be bombarded with photos one may never have dreamed of seeing even 10 years ago. By searching "Miley Cyrus" you will see a mix of photos from when she was married, a teen acting star, and well now...the adult years. You can do the same for Brittney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Justin Beiber, Justin Timberlake, Channing Tatum, just for kicks Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Don Jon)...as well as many others.

In order for me to write this, I did a preliminary scan. I was shocked at what I found. I was born in an era...the 80's where it was still inappropriate to show a lot of skin. Love scenes that had any kind of sexual charge or tension were not allowed on any of the sit-com's we watched.  Kissing scenes were highly diminished. Shoot, I think the Cosby show was the first show that I saw a husband and a wife sharing a bed. Before that it was a taboo.

Fast-forward and now you can find sex on pretty much any sit-com you watch. Some of which include...the Scandal, Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory...and others. Now because these shows have sexual over and undertones does it mean stop watching them...well not necessarily. I am not a fan of a one size fits all way of thinking. I personally believe we should learn how to govern ourselves in a manner which is healthy and promotes an empowering way of living life. That all being said, I do feel that the natural course of action after watching such shows it to emulate, experiment, and make many of these types of scenes happen in our everyday life.

Let's not forget the music industry and how it ties into all of this. Ever take the time to listen to the lyrics of today's popular music. Ever notice how sexually supercharged they are. At points I just turn it all of in favor is purely instrumental music because I feel a constant tension of trying to find lyrics that are both deep and not super crass. Country music, Hip Hop, Pop, R&B well...its changed so much over the years. Hardly any of it is "safe". I was raised in a very conservative manner so I do still carry some of those ideas. Yet, even so...many are becoming desensitized to the reality of what is going on in our entertainment industry as a whole.

Being bombarded by images, lyrics, and reality, day after day does something to inform how we look at our every day life. It really is easy to see that society is super charged and saturated with sex. It really is no wonder to me that the Porn Industry is such a lucrative business these days.

What really frustrates me is how deceptively marketable the industry is as a whole. Here are some stats as of 2010.

Number of internet users viewing porn, every second = 28,000 

Average monthly unique visitors to pornographic websites from 2005 and 2008 = 75 million 

Percentage of search engine request related to pornography = 25% 

Number of new pornographic websites that appear online every day = 266 

Approximate number of English-language websites that distribute child pornography = 3,000 

Amount spent on internet pornography every second = $89 

Estimated revenue generated by pornography In the US in 2006 including 2.84 billion from online pornograph = 13 Billion 

Approximate world wide revenue generated by pornography annually, as of 2006 = 97 Billion

 Those numbers are just from three years ago. Can you imagine what that looks like now just from an economic and business stand point.

From just this alone, I simply am not surprised why we see so many issues within the church concerning this topic. Unfortunately, I like many others, have been a victim, as well as willing participant in this industry without ever knowing the lasting effects it would have on myself and others until years down the road.

I have seen leaders, students, teachers, husbands, wives, sisters and brothers all struggle with this. I personally have had enough.

My vendetta against this industry runs deep.

It is time to break the silence.

Musings Concerning Religion

On days like today I set everything aside simply to center myself. With everything being so hectic, reorienting oneself becomes a most necessary endeavor. That much being said, I wonder how these thoughts will actually play out.

Christianity - By far the topic that stirs up the most controversy within my circle of influence. I am not even sure what to think at the current moment.

After such an unsettling dream...seeing people especially children wrapped in chains, trying to run for their lives. Running as fast as they can away from their captors and others who are in power...holding one such child who was wrapped in a spiderweb like chain. As soon as I touched the chain I could feel the horror of being trapped...the emotions of being alone and forgotten.

I began to weep...to wail...finally screaming because the pain was so great.

My screams in the dream jolted me back to the land of the living. My mood has been off ever sense. As I talked with Dad about it he said..., "As you begin to touch people you will feel the things that are holding them captive. Son, do not be afraid of what you feel. Yet, feel you must. Your heart will grow in compassion as you feel them and look at me."

This is my why. This is why I have become what I have become.

Bondage is not the business...

Seeing people hurt is also not the business...

Tied to all of this are the other major issues that seem to really mess with people.

Most would agree that God is good. All would agree that God is loving. Yet, what I have found is that most of these thoughts are accompanied by conditions and qualifications.

WHY???

Why are all of these great qualities of God's character made to be so...well...conditional...while we can see that these qualities are so unconditional and freely given.

It seems that Christians have imposed a morality ladder that must be ascended in order to be considered righteous or holy...

I call bullshit.

This type of thinking reeks of self-righteousness to the highest degree.

For what exactly? To appease our consciences so we feel as if we are accomplishing something?

Can we really add to what Jesus did for us on the cross?

No?

Then why do we try?

This is still a profound mystery to me...the more freedom I stumble into...the more the old way of living makes absolutely no sense.

What exactly have we been doing this whole time?

In my estimation we have spent more time trying to figure out the morality wheel than we have spent time investing in getting to know the God we say we love and adore.

We have have spent more time focused on behaviors more than the hearts that produce those behaviors.

Honestly speaking, in a lot of ways we still have not gotten passed the garden and the knowledge of good and evil.

As I recall there were 2 trees in the garden. The tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

We spend most of our time eating from the wrong tree...learning from the wrong tree...judging from the wrong tree.

Endeavoring on the journey I am taking has been no easy task. It has caused me to have to be reoriented in my entire belief system.

Instead of seeing things in black and white, I have become aware of the varying shades of color that fill the world around us.

Walking with Jesus teaches me just how diverse life really is. He made things so intricate that there is no possible way that one size fits all for anything...well...other than Jesus being a legitimate bad ass in the way he orchestrated EVERYTHING. (Time/Eternity/The Universe/All things seen/All things unseen.)

There are too many gaps to fill that I have no answers for.

The question I leave you will is this...

What does it look like for God to be God?

Just so you know its a trick question...

No one but God has the answer to that...

However, I challenge you to allow Him to challenge your paradigms of what it looks like for Him to be Himself.

Instead locking Him in the  "Christian" box...why not allow Him to just be himself and absolutely BLOW YOUR MIND.

I bet you he is bigger than you ever even suspected or dared even dream.

See the thing about this journey is this...every time I hang out with Jesus...He is bigger than the last time I hung out with Him. I asked Him why it seemed like He was growing all the time...His reply to me was priceless...

"I'm not growing I have always been bigger than you could fathom...your just growing in your understanding of me. The more you hang out with me...the bigger it will seem that I get because you are changing and transforming. Your vision is getting better. Just wait until we start working on how you see yourself. Things are gonna shift dramatically. :)" -- Jesus